|If I can live through this I will never stray again!
Oct 31, 2001
Dear Ryan, I will abrevaite my question due to lack of a response. Unprotected vaginal and receptive oral sex with an escort. Host of symptoms for six weeks. Chronic symptoms are fatigue,thrush,neck,jaw and groin pain. Negative for STD's negative HIV saliva test at 26 and 40 days. Symptoms continue to intensify Dr. says quilt syndrome. Should I just get over it? Terrified of infecting my wife with anything. I feel like I have mild meningitis, angina & arthritis all at once in addition to sensitive burning skin and recent outbreaks of dermititise. This is a great site but the more I read the more I freak out. Please respond, thanks.
| Response from Mr. Kull
Having unprotected sex with a partner who is HIV positive does put you at risk for infection. Receptive oral sex in your case is irrelevant (the risk is negligible); what is of greater concern is the unprotected vaginal sex. Since you do not know the status of the sex worker, it is advisable that you receive conclusive antibody testing at least three months following your encounter. Your negative saliva test is a good sign (you are most likely not infected), but it is not conclusive.
While it is impossible to guess whether or not a partner is infected, a sex worker may be at increased odds for STD or HIV infection because of increased numbers of sexual encounters.
Because of your risk for exposure to HIV and other STDs, it is inadvisable that you have unprotected sex with your wife. Talking with her about the situation is one option. Transmitting an STD or HIV to your partner would not only be terrible for her, but it would put tremendous stress on your relationship. If you can't talk with your partner about what happened, use condoms with her until you get tested.
It is important to examine the events that have led up to your current predicament. What is your understanding of the factors that contributed to you having unprotected sex? If you knew that having unprotected sex with another person would jeopardize your and your wife's health, what does that mean?
People in monogamous relationships do make mistakes and have sex outside of their primary relationship. Try not to be too hard on yourself. I encourage people who have difficulties staying monogamous to AT LEAST try to have safe sex to reduce the anxiety about bringing STDs (that includes HIV!) into the relationship.
It is important that partners have some level of safety in their relationships to talk about these issues, because a lack of communication can create more difficulties in situations like yours. Transmission within primary relationships does occur, and can often be attributed to a lack of understanding, communication, and agreement on the sexual/relationship contract.
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