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Sep 25, 2001

Hello Mr. Kull, I just moved across country to begin a new job. I am a 23 year old gay male. I have been curious for some time now and i've begun exploring gay sex as a top guy. In my new city its been really difficult for me to get out and meet people. However i did go into a gay bar and met a excellent guy. I like him a lot and we have begun to have sex. One night we were having sex..PROTECTED with me as top and then he insisted to finish me off orally without a condom so i let him. During the oral play he inserted my UNPROTECTED penis back into him for about 5 seconds. I am SO scared right now, I have no one here to talk to about my situation and my mother is 1750miles away and she doesnt even know that i am gay. HELP ME PLEASE! Do you think what i have done is a great risk, please help me. Lonely boy

Response from Mr. Kull

The "amount of time I had unprotected sex" question is always a difficult one to answer. There really isn't any information that describes the correlation between the length of time you are exposed to fluids and the likelihood of transmission. While there is some risk involved in putting your penis into someone's rectum without a condom, the odds of transmission occurring during a one-time, five second exposure like yours are definitely low.

You will encounter partners, whether gay or straight, who will want to have sex without condoms. It is important that you remain aware of this and make some decisions as to how you might handle future sexual situations. You may also want to look at the factors that contributed to YOU allowing your partner to put your penis inside of him. Maybe he caught you by surprise, but there must have been SOME hint that he was going in that direction. While this sounds like a minor slip in the grand scheme of things, try to remain aware of how your own conscious and unconscious motivations in this situation contributed to the unprotected sex. Who knows, maybe part of you wanted to have unprotected sex with him.

It sounds like you could also benefit from some support. If you feel really confused and anxious about this event, try seeking out some formal assistance, either with a trained professional or a support group. Your local AIDS service organization should have information on how you can get started or a gay community center in your area could provide support and referrals. These organizations may also be able to help you find venues to meet other gay people that extend beyond bars and clubs.


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