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Bleeding with condom?

Jan 14, 2019

Hi, I just recently bottom for the first time and Im kind of freaking out, we used a condom and water based lube but he had to put the condom and take it out a few times because he said it was hurting him a little. after he finally put it on he topped me and i bleed a little. i checked the condom and it was okay. but Im questioning if maybe some pre-cum fluid might have gotten on the outside of the condom and and the into me.

Response from Mr. Jacobs

Hello there,

First of all I want to say congratulations on your first time bottoming. Inviting another person to penetrate your body can be one of the most exciting, vulnerable, and scary experiences we ever have. The first time may be particularity fraught with fear, joy, euphoria, and sometimes some pain, discomfort, and even blood.

You don't mention PrEP at all, so I'm assuming you are not taking it. If not, then you were very wise and sexually intelligent to use condoms for this experience.

Based on the circumstances you describe, there seems to be no opportunity for HIV to have been transmitted. The reason I say that is because the condom was intact or "okay" after sex. You don't mention if he ejaculated or not, but either way, an intact condom means no semen was directly transmitted.

What about the precum? This again is unlikely. There is not enough HIV in precum to transmit to others if someone is HIV positive and detectable (not on treatment). Back in the 80s and 90s, when HIV was truly a deadly virus, we knew that precum itself that was applied to the outside of a condom would not put someone at risk. This is true because (1) there is not enough HIV in precum to transmit to others and (2) HIV cannot live outside the body. So even if he slapped a whole bunch of precum on the outside of a condom, and used that precum for lube, you could not get HIV since HIV dies upon contact without the air.

So I am not concerned at all about HIV as an issue based on these events. I do feel concerned about the bleeding.

There is no reason for any of us to bleed while bottoming. But it certainly can happen if there is not enough lubrication applied. Since this was your first time, there was no reason for you to know your own limits, and at what point you were susceptible to bleeding. I strongly encourage you at this point to get a dildo and let that help you to learn your own body. If you intend to use condoms for anal sex, then put a condom on the dildo, and use lubrication to learn how much is needed for you to feel comfortable, relaxed, and pleasurable. There is no "right" or "wrong" category here, each of us have different needs as far as what kind of insertion is comfortable, and how much lube we need to apply for feel good.

I hope this information helps you to feel confident, empowered, and informed about your sexual health decisions. If you choose to bottom without condoms at some point, then please consider PrEP as an option for barrier-less pleasure and nearly zero HIV risk ( Enjoy!

Serious Anxiety about my Risk (not sure if the previous one is posted)
Wracked with guilt and fear

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