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First time unprotected sex

Aug 5, 2018

About two weeks ago i had sex for the first time, and it also happened to be without protection. I did some extense reaserch on the internet regarding stds and i think im starting to go insane, or so i thought until resently when i started to feel a little bit of a sore throat. Now im really worried that it might be Hiv. I asked the girls i had sex with if she had any stds and she said that she didnt, but that doesent maje me feel any better. Should i be worried by my sore trhoat?

Response from Mr. Jacobs

Based on what you are sharing here, there would be very little reason to be concerned about HIV. Your risks of acquiring HIV as the insertive partner in vaginal sex are less than 1% (https://www.poz.com/article/HIV-risk-25382-5829). And this would be the risk if she were HIV positive and detectable, which you said is not the case. I agree that you cannot place your sexual health status in the integrity of another person. But if you have a partner who is open and honest in their communication, chances are they are being transparent with you.

Is there a possibility of being exposed to other STIs other than HIV? Sure, that is the case anytime we experience sexual connection with another human being. But you discussed this with her, she has communicated back, it seems to me you have done everything you can do to minimize that possibility.

What's up with the sore throat? Only a medical provider can tell you for sure. But I do know that often times the fear of HIV and STIs induce physical symptoms that mimic HIV and STIs. So people who are gravely afraid of these consequences have often manifested physical symptoms as a compensation for the guilt and fear they experience as a sexual being.

You mention this was your first time having sex. You don't mention what you've previously been taught about sexuality and pleasure. If, like most people, you have been told that sexual connection is something sinful, immoral, pathological, or weak, then it is likely your mind will experience something called 'cognitive dissonance' when you do have sex. Your mind might be torn by two different tracks one says, "Wow sex is such an awesome thing, it feels so good!" The other says, "You are a pathological sinner for doing something like that." Many people resolve that discomfort by manifesting guilt, fear, sore throats, shame, and so on.

Again, the only way you will know for sure is to get tested for HIV and any STDs. But I also encourage you to get tested knowing that it is heatlhy to be a sexual person, it is fun to be a sexual person, that consensual sex between two (or more) people is the greatest gift we can experience as humans in this life. Why not try to have more of it in ways that allow you to feel clear, centered, and in control?

I hope that helps!



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