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Scared of hooking up anymore

Nov 20, 2017

Hi Damon, I am very inspired how you answer the questions here comprehensively. Just wanna share my experience: Im not really sexually active and Im scared of STD's. My last penetrative sex was 3 years ago. Last month, I met a Chinese guy. To make a long story short, he did anal (Im bottom) and the condom broke for a split second. He changed then we continued and finished. Second condom was okay but it stayed inside of me perhaps not more than 2 minutes after he cum. He was the first one who felt worried, I was okay. He said he got tested between June-July and it is negative. My last test was 2014, and Im sure Im negative because my last penetrative sex was protected and just had low risk sex on very few people. He said in between until he met, he became sexually active but always protected, its like it's the first time the condom broke experience for him. He is unsure of his status. That's the time i started worrying. I took PEP next day, 20 hrs after exposure (Teevir) and was very adherent and finished all 28 days. On the 4th week, that was the time i really got worried and depressed of my status. Out of anxiety, i had an ECLIA test 4th generation on the 27th day after exposure and it is non-reactive. I told that to the guy and he said he is happy with my result. But i forced him to get tested because im very worried. The next day after my result, he texted me he got tested and all is fine. I called him to confirm and asked him if we can show up results but he refused. He said the result is not with him. I just wonder if he is telling the truth just to not let me feel worried. My questions are: 1. Do you think my ECLIA test result is a good indication of my status? 2. I was advised to take a test 3 months post exposure, but I couldn't wait, is there any test that can give me conclusive result in a shorter span instead of waiting for 3 months? 3. Teevir has the same component has Truvada PREP, can it really provide me prevention as PEP? Did it alter my ECLIA negative result? Im really sorry for the long questions out of anxiety. Because of this im really scared of sex now. But i will appreciate a lot for your comprehensive answers. More power and keep us inspiring.

Response from Mr. Jacobs

Hi there, thank you for the kind words, I appreciate your reading my answers here at TheBody.com! I hope this message will help as well.

Based on the circumstances you described, there seems to be zero chance of acquiring HIV from this experience. Here's why:

1. He didn't cum inside you. From what you said, the first condom broke for a split second, during which time he responsibly pulled out and put on a new one. He then came inside the second condom. That tells us that there were no opportunities for HIV to enter your body.

2. You started using PEP immediately. So let's just say your partner did have a detectable level of HIV and shot his cum inside your ass. By starting PEP so early, and completing all 28 days, you pretty much eliminated any chance of acquiring HIV right there (https://www.aidsmap.com/Studies-in-humans/page/1322684/).

3. You tested HIV negative with a 4th generation test after 28 days. Most 4th generation tests now can tell you within 10-14 days if you acquired HIV. Nearly all humans would show positive in 28 days if they had HIV (http://i-base.info/guides/testing/what-is-the-window-period).

4. Your partner was HIV negative. I know you are questioning this because he didn't show you his results. But if you really did "force" him to get tested, and have been consistently texting him about your worries this whole time, I can understand why he may have backed away from you. That's not to say you are bad or wrong in any way, but it is possible that your fears may have left him feeling accused or stigmatized. I wouldn't read too much into his refusal to show you his results.

5. Even if none of this were true: If he was HIV positive, detectable, no condoms were used, no PEP was taken, no tests were given, EVEN under those circumstances, there is still only a small chance of having acquired from this one encounter. It is possible, but extremely unlikely, at about 1.43% (https://www.poz.com/article/HIV-risk-25382-5829).

I understand your worries and anxieties. And if you need to, get another HIV test and another one after that. But at some point, it's going to be up to you to prioritize facts over fears. It's up to all of us to balance reasonable caution with sexual pleasure. You deserve to have a sex life that is about play, fun, enjoyment, and connection. Intrusive worry can take all that away from you and turn sex into something loathsome, dreaded, guilt-ridden, and painful.

It's often very difficult to do this on your own. A qualified therapist in your area can help you find ways to control fears, quiet doubts, and open up to experiencing intimacy and sex without terror. I do wish you the very best on this journey, hope you take very good care of yourself, and keep reading us at The Body.com!



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