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Im a top. How long do i need to be inside of a bottom to be at risk?

Oct 2, 2017

Don't know if this is a silly question, but here it goes. I'm a top, and I always use a condom. But the other night I was about to penetrate (I didn't go all the way in, but I was pushing) when I realized I didn't have a condom on. I quickly put one k On when I realized it. My question is, if I did penetrate a little, what are my risks?

Response from Mr. Jacobs

I don't think there is any such thing as a silly question. But there can be concerns that are often based in fears and inaccurate conditioning that all pleasure must end in punishment. I think this is a great time historically to stand up and challenge those fears and assert that condomless sex can be beautiful, fun, and even HEALTHY, when we understand facts and science.

That's a long way of saying you are at nearly zero risk of acquiring HIV from the activities you describe above. Although there's no official time frame for how long a top must penetrate in order to be at potential risk, we know that extended sessions, especially without enough lube, can result in more tears in the rectal or vaginal tissues, which could then potenitally expose a top to HIV if their partner did actually have detectable levels of HIV to transmit.

You did not specify if you were topping rectally or vaginally, nor if you are circumcised or not. But in any of these scenarios, topping someone who has a detectable level of HIV still carries an under 1% risk (https://www.poz.com/article/HIV-risk-25382-5829). The fact that you were only inside this person briefly without a condom brings down that risk even further. Again, there's no official time stamp here, but I've not heard of anyone acquiring HIV from brief penetration.

I am curious, however, by your saying you "realized" you didn't have condom on. Is it possible that you knew you didn't have a condom on, and just wanted to feel a few seconds of barrier-less intimacy and connection with another human being? Maybe this was something you wanted to have happen, and maybe you would like it to happen again. If so, I do encourage you to consider the facts and information that can help you to feel secure in the decisions you make.

Pre-exposure prophylaxis, aka "PrEP" is another way that many people are learning how to rethink fear and shame about sex, and pursue sexual encounters free of significant HIV risk (http://www.thebody.com/index/treat/tenofovir_prevention.html). I hope whatever you decide from here that you can have relaxed, fun, playful sexual contacts that bring you and your partners much joy.



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