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SOS I'm terrified

Apr 3, 2017

I've had unprotected sex twice with this guy in december of last year so its been 3 months. Two days ago he messaged me saying he has hiv although we haven't spoken in 3 months and he completely ignored me for those 3 months and says he's known about his hiv for a day. I'm still getting tested but I'm terrified. He did not ejaculate in me but the second time some did smear on my vagina. I'm terrified please answer I need my sanity back.

Response from Mr. Jacobs

I am so deeply sorry that an intimate sexual encounter has left you with such anxiety. It sounds as if this partner's communication is quite poor, has left you feeling ignored, and now at risk of having acquired HIV.

Let's talk about HIV first. The good news here is that it's been three months, which is more than enough time for you to get an accurate test. The other piece of good news is that the activities you describe put you at minimal risk for HIV. Assuming he was HIV+ and detectable at the time of this experience, it is still fairly low-risk to rub genitals with one another. I'm not sure by "smear" if you mean he rubbed his ejaculate against your vagina? Even if he did, HIV generally dies upon contact with oxygen, and only lives seconds outside the body. His fluids would have to get into the mucous membranes of your vagina in order to put you at substantial risk of acquiring HIV. And even in that scenario, your risk of acquiring HIV from this one encounter is less than 1% (https://www.poz.com/article/HIV-risk-25382-5829).

You are wise to get tested, as that is the only way you will know your HIV status for certain and get your sanity back. Going forward, I hope you find pleasurable sexual encounters with partners who respect your mind and body, and are able and willing to communicate with you responsibly.

Thank you for writing in, I hope you feel better soon.



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