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Disclosing after protected sex

Jun 6, 2014

Hi, so I've been on a few dates with this amazing guy and I usually disclose before anything sexual happens. However in this case I was weak and things happened so naturally that I was afraid to lose that. Very selfish I know. But in order to redeem myself and to move forward in a more honest way I need to tell him about my status ( positive undetectable) after having protected sex. This guy has a good heart and I feel horrible for messing up like this because it's not a good representation of my character. My only fear is that the relationship is not established enough for that kind of serious discussion. That being said, the connection is real and is mutual. Any advice on how to handle this? I'm kind of going through it right now on trying to figure out how to bring it up.

Response from Dr. Wohl

Honesty really is the best policy here and while it will be a test of your relationship it will be the right thing to do. You can start by telling him how much you care for and are attracted to him and that in the moment people often are not forthcoming when they should be. After you disclose make the point that the sex was protected so no risk of transmission and your HIV is under complete control anyway.

While you say he is a great guy, he is not someone you know a long time. If there is any risk he can get overly upset or even violent with this disclosure you will want to be sure you will be safe.

Good luck


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