|I'm monogomous, my partner was not
May 9, 2001
I am a hetrosexual female, married, with the same partner for over 20 years. recently I found out he has had unprotected sex with at least 2 other females. The most recent 2 years ago. I have tested negative for HIV and other STD's 2 years ago - How often should I be re-tested? If I am (fairly) confident he is now monogomous, do I need to be afraid of infection from his past exploits? Should I be having protected sex with this man? I am making myself crazy over this!!!
| Response from Mr. Kull
Finding out that your partner had sex with someone else when you thought he was monogamous can be a stressful, upsetting experience. This is especially true when you are concerned that your partner might have posed a risk to your health. If you are concerned that you might have been infected with HIV (the odds are low, but real), you should get tested at least three months following your last unprotected sexual encounter with your husband.
Every couple, whether gay or straight, takes a risk when deciding to throw away the condoms. Couples sometimes take for granted the fact that their partner will not have sex with others and put their loved one at risk. As you know, it's not as simple as that. In the age of HIV, EVERY couple needs to talk about monogamy, HIV, and what happens if someone cheats on the other. People don't often plan on having affairs; fear and guilt can lead to people hiding things from their partner and rationalizing away the facts.
Only you can decide whether or not to use condoms with your partner at this point. Pay attention to how you are feeling. Having unprotected sex with a partner who you do not trust can have negative psychological effects. Keep an open dialogue, rebuild your trust, and follow your gut instincts.
Get Email Notifications When This Forum Updates or Subscribe With RSS
This forum is designed for educational purposes only, and experts are not rendering medical, mental health, legal or other professional advice or services. If you have or suspect you may have a medical, mental health, legal or other problem that requires advice, consult your own caregiver, attorney or other qualified professional.
Experts appearing on this page are independent and are solely responsible for editing and fact-checking their material. Neither TheBody.com nor any advertiser is the publisher or speaker of posted visitors' questions or the experts' material.