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No More Intimacy
Sep 29, 2013

My boyfriend of 7 years has recently been diagnosed with HIV ( the amount was very small in his body and now after a few months of medicine he is untraceable- he knows he has to take those pills for the rest of his life though). I was tested and do not have HIV. I am ok with the fact that he has this and understand that now we have to be very safe and take the right precautions. I told him I am there for him and that I don't look at him differently. The problem is he is having a hard time coping even though it's virtually untraceable and refuses to have any kind of intimacy with me. It's only been 6 months since he found out....and not matter how accepting I am he still refuses to have any intimacy with me. How do I deal with this...he says he may never have sex again. I'm trying to be supportive but it is really frustrating and upsetting....what can I do and are there places I can talk with someone about this its really straining our relationship.

Thank you.

Response from Ms. Southall

Hi The overall answer is this is completely normal! Everyone responds differently to hearing about their diagnosis. When I was diagnosed I too vowed to never be intimate with someone again because of the fear of infecting my partner. It's great that he is in care and on treatment. My advise to you is to keep supporting him and loving him and he will eventually accept his diagnosis and learn that there is life after receiving this. Having a loving and supportive family and partners is crucial for him. There's not much more I can tell you except to just continue to be patient, love him, reassure him and be there for him. Our fear is double folded, afraid to infect someone else and how we are going to deal with it. The first year is the most difficult.

Be patient and reassure him that you aren't going anywhere.

Be well and stay safe, Shannon



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