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Really need your advice, weird insertive oral sex encounter
Aug 29, 2013

Hey Richard,

First of all, I'd like to thank you for all of the amazing work you're doing on this forum. You've provided guys like me with a lot of comfort and advice. I spend at quite a lot of time daily reading posts on TheBody looking for situations similar to mine, although had difficulty in finding a very similar one; hence, I decided to write you this post.

Im heterosexual a guy in my early 20s and Im afraid, or have somewhat convinced myself that I have just ruined my life. Let me first start by telling you my experience. More than a month back, I was in Malaysia on a short trip. I had a momentary lapse of judgement and agreed to go to a massage/spa house where there were female sex workers (Which I have never done, nor will I ever do again). It seemed like a decent place, with amenities and all. I was unintentionally pressured into getting a girl, I was in a group, so I ended up selecting a chinese girl who looked normal/healthy and was also in her early 20s; however I only realized after that there was no way for me to find out if she had HIV or not by just simply looking at her. On to the more detailed part, her and I entered a private room with a shower. After taking both of our clothes off, she asked my to lie down on an airbed in the shower area which she topped with a disposable plastic cover (not used). I was lying face down on the bed and she washed my whole back area with liquid soap (I don't know if this has any risk). After rinsing my back with running water, she proceeded to apply liquid soap on her breasts and consequently rubbed them on my back (not vigorously) for approximately 1-2 minutes. This is my first worry, I have skin asthma or small pimples on my back. I have no idea if she was lactating, I didn't see any breast milk during the whole encounter, but if she was lactating and if a few drops came out and went to my acne/rashes or a small opening from a popped small pimple would I be at risk? I do not think nor do I remember seeing/feeling any open/bleeding cuts on my back when I was checking it post exposure. After which, she tried to mount my back and rub the lower portion of my body with her breasts, but just as she was about to I stopped her because I did not want to touch her vaginal area at all and did not want to get any vaginal fluid on me. Risk number 2, I have a few cuts between my toes due to athlete's foot, would walking on the shower floor covered with water transmit HIV(not sure if any of her vaginal fluid went to the floor and mixed with the water)? She gave me a warm towel that I used to dry myself, which I assume was clean because it was totally dry and felt as if it was newly ironed. Then, we proceeded to the bed where she asked me to lie down on the towel that I used to dry myself and offered me hot tea (Dark colored). She then asked me to lie face down on the towel/bed again, then proceeded to lick (roll her tongue in a circular motion) over my entire back while gargling the hot tea and occasionaly (approximately 4-5 times) spitting out the hot tea. Her tongue was on my upper back, lower back, sides of the buttocks (none on the inner part), and then proceeded down to my legs until my calves; she occasionally nibbled, but this wasn't painful nor did it cause any wounds. She wiped my anus with fresh baby wipes from a pack and offered to perform analingus with a disposable rubber like object, but I refused. After which, I turned around and she repeated the licking process on my chest. This is the third possible risk, could she have transmitted HIV through licking my back (where I could possibly have open pimlples or rashes)? When she spat the tea out, I tried looking if there was blood although I could not distinguish this considering that the tea was dark colored in the first place. After licking my chest/stomach, she proceeded to lick the top part of my scrotum while still gargling the hot tea, I'm not sure if this is a risk. However, I don't remember having any cuts/wounds here, although maybe scratches? I never saw blood nor me bleending on my scrotum though. Lastly, she tried to fellate me while still garling the hot tea, this kind of freaked me out and I pulled away causing the hot tea to fall from her mouth to the side of my hip and onto the towel. This is risk number 4, what if her blood was in the tea and fell to any of my unseen scratches? I don't remember seeing any blood on the towel afterwards. After which, and this is my biggest regret, she proceeded to fellate me (this time without the tea), I tried to tell her to stop so that I could put a condom on however we had a language barrier and could not understand each other. I continued to receive oral sex from her for approximately 1 minute (2 minutes max), after which I pulled out and ejaculated outside and she wiped the tip of my penis with tissue paper. I didn't see any blood on my penis, nor on the tissue paper. (I didn't have any wounds nor bleeding openings on my penis) She then brushed her teeth afterwards. She touched my penis for a bit, not erect, after cleaning herself in the shower and wiping herself off, not sure if this is a risk. After this, we stood up and she gave me a quick rinse/shower, again with soap and running water and held my penis again but no hand job. Based on my understanding, the touching of the penis portion does not pose a risk. Then, I proceeded to put on my clothes and left the room. I felt so dirty afterwards, still do thinking about it.

On to part two of the story, after leaving the room, I immediately googled the sexual diseases that one could acquire from oral sex and when I saw HIV, my jaw dropped and my world shattered around me. I was inconsolable for the rest of the night as well as the next day. After flying back to my home country, I went to the doctor a few days after the exposure and told me that I'm at an extremely low risk. He asked me to take an initial blood test (1 week) after exposure and the results came back negative. He then asked me to come back after 3 months to have myself tested again, and reassured me that I will be fine and that it's extremely unlikely for me to have been infected. I told him about my possible risks above and he told me that the only risk in all that I mentioned was the insertive oral sex, for which the risk was close to negligible. I've been going to the doctor at least once a week since then to ask more questions. Since my possible exposure, (6 weeks) I've been a total emotional and mental wreck. I feel like I've lost my will to live. I can't eat, I can't sleep or stay asleep, I can't work, I don't even find happiness in the things that I used to love doing. I constantly speak to a few trusted people, however they think I'm overreacting and have gotten tired of listening to me. I just really really hope that they're right. I know I've made a horrible horrible mistake. I've never been this anxious, depressed, or frantic about anything before. I have been experiencing extreme anxiety for the past 6 weeks, to levels I never thought I could, I would have several panic attacks daily (Too many to count/remember). Over the first two weeks after my possible exposure, my smoking significanlty increased (close to or sometimes more than a pack a day from previous 5-10 sticks), and was also drinking every night. Which resulted to me having a lot acid reflux, I would also gag acid with every panic attack. I've been constantly spending every waking moment feeling my body for any signs or symptoms and have ended up convincing myself that I have HIV. Now, I just really wish that everything will go back to normal. I have a girlfriend who I love with every bit of me, I've never cheated on her except for this encounter. I really want to marry this girl and now I feel absolutely horrible that I may have permanently destroyed my chance of ending up with her. I really love her so much, and can't stand the thought of infecting her or losing her. I've cried several times just thinking about what I've done, and I'm not really the crying type. Now I'm just in a state of self loathing and hopelessness.

Part three on to my possible symptoms "most of which self diagnosed" Week 1 - No physical manifestations apart from severe anxiety and feeling of dread; Woke up mildly sweating in scalp once Week 2/3 - Throat irritation, no pain in swallowing; I think a swollen node at back of my head in the scalp Doctor said throat irritation due to increased smoking and recurring acid reflux; Had tonsillitis (Slightly inflamed no difficulty in swallowing) although not sure how long Ive had (recurring since I was a kid and still present now at W-6) Week 2 - Woke up mildly sweating in scalp 1 time with a bit of dampness on pillow and a bit on my shirt Doctor said due to anxiety - this also happened after thinking of negative thoughts the whole night and concurrent bad dreams Was also under a lot of covers and my aiconditioning was apparently not cold enough (or maybe I was feeling unusually hot? Not sure) Week 2-4 - Unusual Bowel Movements; Would have rallies between Diarrhea (just wet and oily but still controllable and normal frequency of BM) then Constipation (would interchange almost after every bowel movement) I'd also have periods/days of normal bowel movements Doctor said due to fatty and oily foods I ate on vacation when it started; Could also be related to anxiety Week 2-6 - swollen jaw lymph node Doctor said due to throat irritation and or recurring tonsilitis Week 3 - Woke up sweating 2 nights but not profuse - A lot of emotional stress especially on those days; White coating at the back portion of tongue (none in the rest of the mouth) doctor said due to smoking, oily food possibly due to not brushing of tongue during toothbrush Disappeared after 1 brushing and now just looks like a normal tongue that's just a bit white Week 4-6 I think I have two Swollen lymph nodes above collar bones (left and right)? 2 doctors said none and I was just feeling a muscle, 1 said yes and related to my throat infection (tonsilitis); Thought I had swollen lymph nodes in groin - Doctor said there was none Week 4 - Pain in lower back - Doctor examined and told me I have 2 symmetrical Lipomas on my lower back - Which was normal; Told me I was experiencing discomfort because I kept pushing and poking them when I discovered them Week 4-5 - Mild headache and Mild Nausea and exhaustion but happens at the end of the day after average of 2-3 Anxiety attacks (Or at least I feel that these are anxiety attacks) - Would be really depressed when I get home; Wouldn't feel like doing anything apart from just lying down and going to sleep Week 5 - Stinging burning pain in neck even in the sides of my neck, and a bit of muscle pain/stiffness in neck - Went to 2 doctors, was told that it was due to my GERD and continual acid reflux - Took the acid reflux medicine - After 4 days it disappeared; then I researched about neurological symptoms that day and was convinced that it was Bronchial Neuritis and I felt it again that night but not as intense; Woke up the next day and it was gone again (This is already at W6) although I still get occasional discomfort every now and then Week 6 - Neck is a bit stiff and the possibly swollen nodes/muscle above my left collar bone is a tender when touched. Blunt pain/Discomfort in lower back has returned - Happened after 1 whole day of touring but still there after 2 days? Random and very occational stings in different places in my body; Occasional stings in my left armpit - not sure if I'm noticing it too much

**Haven't really experienced any flu symptoms - i.e. Fever, Severe headache, Flu Vomiting (apart from my reflux), and no severe diarrhea (i.e. continuous and uncontrollable); No rash either apart from my old rashes at the back from skin asthma, no severe joint pain and no severe stomach pain

Lastly, on to my questions: 1) Do you think I've put myself under significant risk with all of the exposures listed below? Does all of this really warrant testing, for medical reasons excluding my peace of mind. a.) Walking on the wet shower floor that's possibly tainted with previous bodily fluid or maybe her vagina fluid dripped on the floor?? b.) Possibly getting drops of breast milk on any of my back acne or possbile scratches? c.) Her licking any of my back acne or possbile scratches? d.) Getting the possbily blood tainted tea on any non-bleeding crotch scratches? e.) Risk from her licking my scrotum? f.) Risk of the 1-2 minute insertive oral sex? It wasn't intense oral sex, nor was there any deep throating. 2) Do you think I've experienced ARS based on the symptoms above and could probably already be seroconverting? 3) Will getting a test on the 7 week mark be somewhat accurate? I'm thinking of getting another test at the start of the 7th week, although I'm so afraid. 4) A number of people have told me that I've lost weight, according to the weighing scale I've lost approximately 4 pounds over the last month, 2-3% of my body weight not sure if this is due to ars or because I haven't been eating as much? I also haven't lifted weights in over a month. 5) Some have said that anxiety could cause abnormalities in the body, but could it be really doing all of this to me? 6) I'm really afraid that I'll be that 1 in 20,000 guy, in your honest opinion do you think I have HIV?

I apologize for the long and somewhat dramatic post, I just didn't want to leave anything out. I really appreciate all the help you've given me, indirectly through your replies to other people and hopefully directly post replying to this query. Hope all is well with you and wish you all the best.

Regards, Extremely Worried Guy

Response from Mr. Cordova

Hi EWG,

1A: None. No testing is warranted.

1B: No risk.

1C: No risk.

1D: No risk.

1E: No risk.

1F: No risk.

2: No. Not in the slightest.

3: By the 28th day, most people will show up positive on an HIV test. I do not think you were at risk for HIV in this situation, so I'm sure your test results will be negative.

4: This has nothing to do with HIV.

5: Anxiety can cause all sorts of physical ailments.

6: You're not that guy. In a situation like this, there is no 1 in 20,000 guy. The situation was not risky at all.

I think you just feel really bad because you cheated on your partner. Try working through that first. You do not have HIV.

In health,

Richard



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