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Dating & Loving an HIV man!

Jun 6, 2013

Hello & thanks in advance for your support! I am dating a spectacular man who happens to be HIV+ . Although I wouldn't have ever thought I'd be here, here I am opening up my mind. We have been really opened to each other and also met my PCP together to be extra safe.

He has been positive for 12 Years, he's always been on medications and his viral load is undetectable with over 750+ T cells count. He's really healthy and takes care of his life perfectly. I am currently on Truvada for PreP in order to minimize risk even more and since I want to spend many years with him, I think it was the right thing to do. As the relationship progresses, our need to feel more "at ease" progress with it. We would like to perhaps lose the condom but i am very scared to limit that extra layer of protection. Also, I am not sure what is the extent of "safe" really. Well, I know having protected anal sex limits your chances, but how about oral? What if there's ejaculation...I mean orally? Also what are the things I should watch out the most and pay most attention to besides the risks involved in anal which I am aware about?

thank you so much for your help!

Response from Mr. Cordova

Hi there,

First, thank you for being open enough to realize that a perfectly wonderful guy was out there waiting for you. He just happens to be HIV positive.

In regards to oral sex: Oral sex is very low-risk. My only suggestion is when possible, avoid brushing or flossing your teeth two hours prior to oral sex. This will help minimize the likelihood of there being any cuts or abrasions in your mouth.

In regards to anal sex: Given all the factors at play i.e. undetectable viral load and you being on PrEP, the likelihood of transmission is quite low, whether as the top or bottom partner. Being in a monogamous relationship and free of all other STD's will help lower the risk further. That being said, anytime you don't use a condom there is a risk.

Bottom line: Transmission would be unlikely. Whether or not you ditch the condoms is up to you. Remember, the risk is always lower the top partner as well. Perhaps a happy medium would be unprotected anal as the top, but always protected as the bottom. If you do choose to bottom unprotected I would advise against letting him ejaculate inside of you.

In health,


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