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My Fiancee is HIV -

May 30, 2013

Hello Shannon, I just wanted to thank you so much for all your advises! I am HIV+ and my Fiancee is not, he said that he loves me and he don't care about my status, I have two kids that he love very much and I am thankful because after all I went through with my ex that secretly passed this virus to me, I found this amazing person that loves me very much. I relate with you Shannon, I know your husband is hiv negative and that you guys don't use condoms over 3 years, here is my question: Is it ok to stop using condoms? my cd4 is over 700 and always undetectable since I started treatment over two years ago. I am afraid to pass this evil virus to someone like him (or anyone) please help!

Thank you Day

Response from Ms. Southall

Hi I'm so happy you have found someone to love and who loves you back. Making the decision to use condoms or not is a very personal decision. There was a lot of conversation between my husband and I to make this decision. It was based on conversations with my physician as well as knowing my viral load is undetectable. This isn't a guarantee that transmission will not ever occur and my husband is tested about every 6 months. We have had the conversation on what we would do if he did become positive and we continue to look at research and studies to make sure we are making good decisions. Know that he and I are on the same page about transmission is what makes our sex life so great. If you have a great fear of transmitting this to him than you should take precautions to prevent that. Part of us living a healthy and happy life is to reduce our stress as much as possible and if you are stressing and worrying about transmitting the virus to him than you need to be aware of that and have conversations with him to ensure that you both are making this decision with all the information you need. Whether that it is to continue using condoms or not. It is a very personal choice and one that you both MUST be comfortable with . There has only been one study showing that having an undetectable viral load may reduce the risk of transmission by up to 96%. There are other studies going on. You also may want to talk to your health care provider about putting your partner on Truvada which we know helps reduce transmission as well.

I hope this helps, be happy and be well, Shannon

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