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Fear of HIV Exposure from "Safer" Vacation Fling, condoms/baby oil

May 25, 2013

I had a tiny fling with a man I met on vacation who is bisexual. He told me he hadnt had sex since January, had had a negative HIV test in November and had used condoms since then. I have no reason not to believe him, except that I hardly know him! (He recently got out of a ten-year relationship with a woman.)

The first night we had sex, he tried to use baby oil as a lubricant/massage oil. I told him that you shouldnt use oil with condoms, thus requesting he wipe himself off, as I did, with a wet towel (no soap). We then used condoms for sex, changing the condom once before the end.

My fear is that remnants of the baby oil could have broken the condom down so much that it was no longer good to protect myself from HIV. (Neither of us noticed any breakage.) I am additionally worried because he was getting over a cold when I asked him about it, he said he had been sick, which in my anxious state makes me wonder about conversion sickness (and high viral loads)!

About ten days after our week together, I am feeling nauseous most of the time, headachy and with a sore throat (could be allergies, could be?)

I have recently realized that I have an unhealthy fear/paranoia of HIV and will start going to see a therapist next week, but in the meantime this experience has me so worried that I cant think about anything else.

Any advice? One, about the baby oil/condom conundrum, and two, about how to be more realistic about this debilitating worry I have about sexual disease.

Thank you very much.

Response from Mr. Glenn

Thanks for your question,

The concern with using oil, like you mentioned, is that it will break down the condom causing it to tear. But you saw that this didn't happen.

As for the feeling sick afterward.. since you mentioned that he was getting over a cold, my first thought is that you simply caught his cold. The stuff you're feeling with you body is incredibly general and could be explained away by tons of things.

Hope this helps!


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