Lying about HIV status
Apr 7, 2013
Five months ago I was cruising online and found this semi-attractive guy who claimed he was a bottom. I ended up meeting with this guy and asked him if he had any condoms with him, but he said no and I asked him if he was DDF and HIV- and he said yes so I took a chance and engaged in unprotected oral and anal sex with him. I did ended up ejaculating inside him, but I did not see any blood as I pulled out. As soon as we were done, He dropped me off and left and I immediately regretted what I had done. I was mad at myself for believing he had condoms and for agreeing in the moment to have unprotected sex. I texted him and asked him that I had never done that before with anyone and needed reassurance that he was HIV- and DDF. This guy told me that it was not his problem and completely left me hanging in worry and anxiety.
However, I was very fortunate to have a good friend whom I shared with him this horrible experience and he calm me down and convinced me to go get tested. It was after about 4 weeks that I went ahead and got tested and got free testing via Planned Parenthood (So thankful for the services!!!)I took the quick 20 min test and came back negative. I also gave blood for the ELISA test and two weeks later came back negative. During this whole time I did not hookup or met any guys since if I did come up positive, I would know from who. I went to the same clinic after 2 months and got tested and came back Negative for both the quick test and ELISA test. Again during this whole time no hookups. I waited for after 6 months to get tested and again negative for both.
Anyway, so at this point I felt confident that I was HIV Negative and was ready to get back on the hooking up scene, but definitely being safe. I placed an ad on craiglist to hookup and this stupid horrible guy (the guy I met that I had unprotected sex with) replied to my ad requesting to hookup. By now I had become HIV savvy and started asking him questions that could indicate he was positive. I replied asking him "nice body etc....so are you undetectable?" He didn't even remember me!!! And he told me "Yes, undetectable" I felt very angry and concerned not for him at all but for all the guys he could possibly infect and was not honest. I ended the conversation with him saying "Yeah, I can't host later" and I just think this guy needs to go to jail or something!!!
Bottom line, I could not have gone through this emotional stressing and awful situation without the support of my good friend. I am 21 yrs old, not out due to religious family, and never had been this scared in my life. I thought about my family and unprotected sex is not worth it. I'm a good looking guy, smart, and way better than that guy.
Anyway I feel that I am going off topic here. Overall, I was just tested again 7 months post-unprotected sex and got a phone call saying my results were nonreactive and negative (at first they called me and this freaked me out since I usually got my results via email, but I guessed things changed in California IDK)
Anyway, my question for you is if there is still a slight risk I am infected with HIV even though I came back negative, because after all I did have unprotected sex with this guy who is positive? Also, I am thinking of confronting this guy via email or person because what he did to me was awful and don't want anyone to go through what I went. Can I make him go to jail? That is how angry I feel.
Response from Dr. Wohl
Your testing shows conclusively that you are HIV negative. You did not acquire HIV. Hopefully the good folks at Planned Parenthood checked you for other STDs too.
Like pregnancy risk, the chances of getting HIV are not 100% with every unsafe encounter. You may have dodged the bullet here if he is in fact HIV+.
Confronting this person will solve little. It is unlikely to change his behavior and I am doubtful there is legal recourse here. The most important thing is that your behavior has changed in that a) you realize not everyone is honest about their HIV status (usually not due to a wish to infect others but so as to remain able to be close to others) and b) the responsibility for safe sex choices rests with you.
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