frottage: risk to a woman
Oct 27, 2012
frottage: risk to a woman
I am a female who has had two sexual partners in 25 years. The first sexual relationship was for about two months and all sex was protected (we had sex no more than ten times). The second one is my husband. Two years ago i was tested for stds (including hiv) and tested positive for genital herpes, negative for hiv and other stds. I have never had blisters or sores around my vagina but i did have 4 or 5 of what i considered to be yeast infections in the course of 10 years (the first infection was a confirmed yeast infection). I've been separated from my husband since I learned I had herpes and I haven't had sex since then until one sexual encounter four months ago. I had a sexual encounter with a man which I consider to be high risk (very promiscuous, didn't use protection - at least in the past, had alcohol problems). He was my very first childhood sweetheart when I was 15 years old which we reconnected after almost 30 years. Back then we only french kissed and soon after I moved and we lost touch.
During our encounter he took his pants and underwear off, i had a thin set of relatively tight pants, but no underwear, and we spent a good 40 minutes (in different positions) kissing, touching and doing frottage, where he rubbed himself against my genital area, at some point the rubbing was quite intense. I never had intention of having sex with him without asking him to get tested, but the fantasy of capturing that intense puppy love feeling I felt for him in the past, got the best of me.
I don't think he ejaculated because I don't see what i would expect to see on my pants if he had ejaculated (no thick, whitish stains). Also after 40 minutes or so he still had an erection, at which point he asked me if i would take my pants off and i said i couldn't and we stopped soon after doing some french kissing and hugging.
Now I do see some remnants of fluid in the pants where my vagina would be touching the pants. The stain is circular, about the circumference of a lime. I think that could be some of my vaginal fluids, although I didn't have an orgasm.
My concern is that he pre-ejaculated in the vaginal area of my pants and that, given that my pants were a bit tight and aligned completely all over my skin, even in the outer vaginal and labial area, and i had no underwear, that there may have been fluid exchange. With all the friction I am concerned that my skin may have been irritated and cut, allowing for his pre-ejaculation fluid to enter my system.
Additionally, about an hour before I had showered and sprayed body perfume all over my body including my vaginal area. I know that caused some irritation to my skin.
It also concerns me that genital herpes increases the risk of acquiring hiv. When I had my last infection (more than a year before the encounter) I had large inflammation of my labia, so I don't know if that was caused by the herpes virus. I didn't see any sores or blisters.
I haven't had sex ever since the encouunter and no sex between my last hiv negative test and this sexual encounter. Soon after my encounter with him I asked him to please never call me again and I haven't had any contact with him. Unfortunately I don't trust anything he says. Further he lives in Tijuana and I live in northern California.
In the last four months I have not had any flu-like symptoms, although I think that due to severe anxiety and anxiety medication i began to take soon after i had the encounter, i did have night chills, muscle spasms, some short-lived joint pain in different areas, numbness in my right foot and right hand, severe constipation, one quarter sized rash on my leg.
Could you please tell me what level of risk I took? Should I be concerned about hiv? Should I get tested? I have been terrified of getting tested but if the experts think I should get tested then I would need to get therapy to work on my anxiety and be able to get tested. I went through a horrifying experience for six months with the genital herpes results, getting two (low) positive results, a negative result with biokit, an indeterminate result with western blot, and a final positive result with western blot three months later (eventhough the nothing had changed since the previous western blot test). I can not stand the idea of getting tested and going through the same experience again, but this time related to hiv which is even worse.
Thank you in advance for reading this post and I apologize for the length and level of detail in this message.
Response from Ms. Southall
Hi The chances of HIV transmission occurring this way is highly unlikely. There was a barrier between you and him with your clothes. The herpes can increase of HIV transmission when you are having an outbreak and having unprotected sex. But frottage with clothing on this offers the protection so that an exchange of body fluid cannot occur.
You are asking all the right questions, keep it up and taking care of yourself and others.
be well and stay safe, Shannon
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