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I am HIV Pos and he still wants to marry me
Sep 9, 2012

I am a 29 year old female and I have been recently diagnosed HIV Positive. I believe it was an exposure at work ( I have been a Phleb for 12 years and have had 3 exposure in my career lifetime). I have not been promiscuous and have been with my Guy for the last 3 years. We both have been tested every year, this time I tested positive and him negative. Before my diagnosis we were planning to get married summer 2013. He still wants to marry me but I am now under a lot of pressure. My issues: 1. I love him enough to want him to have a stress-free life with or without me. I do not want to be the weight in our marriage. 2. We want children, neither of us have any. We would inseminate of course,but I couldn't live with myself if I infected my child. 3. I do not feel comfortable having sex, even though we use protection.I think about the condom breaking, or some sort of accident, and him getting infected. 4. I have not told anyone in my family, If I marry him would it be a moral obligation to share this with his family? 6. I fear that if I do not marry him I may never ever have another chance at love, there are not many people willing to fall in love with a 29 year old HIV Pos woman these days. 7. Last, he is a great guy but in the future if he ever uses his marrage to me as leverage I would snap. I do not want to feel indebt to someone because he is putting his life on the line to profess his love to me.

I am so confused, hurt and under a lot of pressure. I am still trying to understand this diagnosis, and change of life style. I have yet to receive my first base line of labs yet, this is very new to me and I have no one to talk to about this but him. Any input will help, or point me in the right direction. Thank you in advance. -Loved and unselfish

Response from Ms. Southall

Hi, Having a happy and healthy marriage is completely possible. I am positive and my husband is negative and I cannot imagine my life without him! It is possible to have children! As long as you are on medication throughout your pregnancy your child has less than 1% chance of being born with HIV. It is more difficult for women to pass the virus, it is possible but very difficult! You tell whomever you and your future husband decide to tell. There is no moral obligation to tell anyone as long as you are not putting them at risk.

Marrying my husband, someone who completely loves me unconditionally and I him, is the best feeling in the world and it took me 16 years to find him!!! I was diagnosed over 20 years ago.

This whole time is confusing and scary I get that, take your time, breath! Get educated, he needs to get educated and understand. So that you both head into this marriage fully aware of what to expect.

Making sure you are in health care and on treatment will also decrease the risk of transmission of HIV and using condoms decreases it that much more!

It is completely possible to be happy and healthy and have a wonderful man in your life! Again take your time, breath and talk!

Be well, Shannon



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