Managing OCD thoughts
Jun 26, 2012
Hi, please help me to get rid of my every night nightmare. thank you.
here is my story: 11 month ago, I was stupid enough to have sex with a sex worker (I'm so sorry). I was aware of STDs and I use condom, and condom didn't broke, no oral sex, no kissing at all, but my nightmares began when I searched the internet and found out condoms aren't 100% effective. during the sex I was under stress and my penis was not erect completely so I started to think about what if there was any possiblility for touching her body fluid or something. I coudn't tolerate the stress so I went to a STD clinic, I talked to the counselor and she told me "you don't need any test" but for the sake of my peace of mind, I persist to test, and they did a rapid test and it came back negative (after 4 months , thanks god). but after the test I started to worring about the test itself, the nurse who draw my blood had no glove. I started to think about a few "what if" scenario such as "what if he use a dirty needle" and some other irrational thoughts. my worries doubled after the test, I got into the vicious cycle of doubt and fear, I know this is stupid but I lost my job due to severe anexity. I visited a therapist and I was under meds for 5 month (including antidepressant, antiobsessional and antipanic) I realised that this is OCD and some kind of anxity disorder but I couldn't turn them off although I was under meds for that. 6 weeks after the first test(5.5 months after sex), I tested again at a private clinic, it was HIV a/b antibody and p24 antigen. both came back negative. 5 months after second test (11 month after sex) I tested again for all STDs, it was HIV a/b antibody and p24 antigen, hepatits and ... at a hospital, all came back negative. during this 11 month I have no symptom. but I really had hard times. I am an engineer and my whole life effected by a silly mistake.
1- I live in iran and the first test was in a STD clinic in a city of iran, so because it was in a third-world country is there any possible danger to become infected during a test? I mean mistakenly reussing needles or something like dirty hand, dirty cotton and ... you know, there was other HIV+ patient, I asked the nurse why he didn't wear gloves and he responded that he only wear gloves for HIV+ patient.
2- because the second and third test was in iran, do you think it is possible that the labs used inappropriate device or kit for the test? I mean the test kits was not accurate enough. is there any high tech method for antibody test that isn't in iranians lab?
thank you. best regards. raman.
Response from Mr. Glenn
Thanks for your question,
Quickly, sounds like you've been told that you had no risk and that your tests will continue to come back negative.. But this doesn't seem to be comforting. You've been to see a therapist and have been working on your OCD. That's great!
Working on OCD thoughts can take time and be difficult at times.. However, to get to a better place it's going to be about working with that therapist and being honest about what is and isn't working to help you feel better.
Hope this helps!
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