The Body: The Complete HIV/AIDS Resource
Follow Us Follow Us on Facebook Follow Us on Twitter Download Our App 
Professionals >> Visit The Body PROThe Body en Espanol
Ask the Experts About

Safe Sex and HIV PreventionSafe Sex and HIV Prevention
Rollover images to visit our other forums!
Recent AnswersAsk a Question
  • Email Email
  • Glossary Glossary

Disclosure !!!!!

May 5, 2012

Hello Shannon,

I am a Heterosexual HIV + female. How can one disclose to someone who is living in another State? Should i wait until we have 1:1 meeting? I met with this guy once and after i returned to my state, he has been very engaged with me. He want to be in a serious longterm relationship. He is talking of Marriage but i find it difficult telling him over the phone.

What should i do? How can i start a conversation on disclosure? What are some of the words i can use?


Response from Ms. Southall

Hi Disclosure is the hardest aspect of living with HIV. We are never sure how the person we are telling is going to respond. Though I don't recommend telling someone over the phone, in your situation it's important for him to know all the information. Just like you would like to know the situations that he is involved with or bringing with him to the relationship. So that a decision can be made on whether he feels comfortable moving forward.

You also don't want to get your heart and feelings involved and then when you tell him have him be angry that you didn't tell him sooner and/or that he doesn't want to continue moving forward.

When you do decide to tell him, being calm and matter of fact is what I've found to be the best approach. If you are upset and crying and telling him you are about to tell him awful news you have put him a place to be upset and uncertain. If you say to him that you like him and want to continue getting to know one another to see where this is going and part of that is disclosing to him more about you and you trust him and know that this is information that he needs to know.

I know it's easier said than done. And you never know how someone is going to respond. The most important thing to remember is that how he reacts is not about you it is about how he is choosing to deal with it. It can be positive, negative or I need more information. Be open to how he chooses to deal with it.

I wish you well and I hope that you get the response that is best for you in the end!

Be well, Shannon

Had protected sex and I finished in the condom
I'm really scared I might have HIV after a one night stand please help me.

  • Email Email
  • Glossary Glossary

 Get Email Notifications When This Forum Updates or Subscribe With RSS



This forum is designed for educational purposes only, and experts are not rendering medical, mental health, legal or other professional advice or services. If you have or suspect you may have a medical, mental health, legal or other problem that requires advice, consult your own caregiver, attorney or other qualified professional.

Experts appearing on this page are independent and are solely responsible for editing and fact-checking their material. Neither nor any advertiser is the publisher or speaker of posted visitors' questions or the experts' material.

Review our complete terms of use and copyright notice.

Powered by ExpertViewpoint