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Boyfriend wanted to have unprotected sex

Mar 8, 2012

Hi Shannon: I need your help! I am a female, HIV+ and dating a guy who is HIV-. My T-cells are above 500 and have an undetectable viral load. Last week my boyfriend wanted to have unprotected sex and I didn't let that happen. He got really upset and left. I am afraid that our relationship may come to an end. He said that I worried too much about him getting HIV. If we ever have unprotected sex what are the possibilities of him getting infected? I told him that he perfectly knows that we must used protection all the time. But he din't want to do it last week.

Response from Ms. Southall

Hi There are a few different scenarios for you here. The first is there are many studies being released that show that someone who is on medication and has an undetectable viral load, the chances of HIV transmission are very very small. Secondly, women infecting men is very difficult to do because of anatomy, women are an open umbrella of mucous membranes inside a perfect place for HIV to be absorbed, where men without sores on their penis's have only one way for things to go in and that is so very difficult. Third, is your comfort level and what you decide is best for your mental health. If having your boyfriend wear a condom gives you the peace of mind that you need to not infect someone, this is important and he should be aware of those concerns for you. The relationship is a dual relationship and he should be concerned with your well being, not just his.

Be well and stay safe! Shannon

hiv test after 4.5-5months
Need retest or not?

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