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My boyfriend is HIV+ and I am not
Jan 27, 2012

Hello. I started dating this guy a couple of months ago. About a month after we started dating he found out he was HIV positive. I am a female who is, well, not HIV positive. We always have sex with a condoms. I do not perform oral sex on him, but he has performed oral sex on me. I just want to straighten these issues out in my mind: Is it possible to transmit HIV from him performing oral sex on me?

And I would also like to ask if there is any other advice you can give me about staying safe in this mixed-status relationship.

I have been getting many different opinions from many different people and I thought I should ask some experts.

Thank you for taking the time to answer my question.

Response from Ms. Southall

Hi Thanks for the question and thank you also for taking the time to learn more about HIV and staying with him. There is lot of information to be had on being in a magnetic relationship. Though my situation is reverse, I'm positive and my husband is not, it's much the same in keeping one another safe. The most important thing is for him to be in care and on treatment. We do know that if someone is on medication and their viral load is undetectable the likelihood of transmission is very small. With that being said, oral sex carries the lowest risk of transmission. The things to be aware of, other possible STI's (Sexually Transmitted Infections) should not be present or active such has herpes. You receiving oral sex carries very small risk, if you had a cut or opening and his gums or lips were actively bleeding, you shouldn't have oral sex. But if everything looks good than your fine. You can also use saran wrap to lay across you and he can perform oral on you that way, though not as fun it is safe. You can give him oral sex by using a condom (they do have flavored ones), vaginal and anal sex should be protected. If his viral load is undetectable again the risk of transmission is small even if things happened and you were not protected. My husband gets tested about every 6 months just to be sure and we have a plan if there happens to be an exposure that we both feel may have put him at risk. He can start PEP (post exposure prophylaxis) within 72 hours of the exposure and reduce his chances of getting HIV. You can kiss, french kiss as much as you want as there is no risk in getting HIV this way. Also remember if you are sick or have an infection to be cautious as you don't want to pass this along to him. Be careful around your menstrual cycle and if you have just had a pap smear. This again prevention for both of you. There are also possibilities for you to start a family if this is a desire of yours. Taking the time to ask the question tells me much about you in that you are someone with a big heart and open mind. So I thank you for staying with him and getting the education you need. There is life after receiving an HIV diagnosis and part of that is learning to live a healthy and happy life with that and I am happy for him that he has found you.

Any more questions arise please let me know, that's what we are here for!!!

Be well and stay safe, Shannon



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