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"Unsure about dating disclosure and timing"

Jan 25, 2012


I am new to the dating scene as an hiv positive person. Although I have been poz for several years, I have not tried to date until the past year or so. I am undectable, CD4 is 869, healthy and doing good. Here's my situation/question. I recently met a guy and have been on 2 dates with him (no sex)and have talked with him on the phone severeal hours a day (a good sign). He is really sweet and I feel like this could turn into a great long lasting relationship. Its been my experience in the past year that every time I meet someone and start to date, its all good, then when I announce my status they lose interest. I don't want this to happen with this guy. I know he is negative by a few things he's said. If we start having safe sex and I don't tell him my status,is that bad? I can't hurt him as far as giving him hiv, can I? Honestly, I don't want to tell him ever, so I won't lose him, but I keep thinking if we end up falling in love and then I announce it one day, it could turn out bad and create a big mess. How do I handle this? Ive been alone for a long time and have just met this wonderful man, that I could loose with telling him just one sentence about my status. I could use your advice.

Response from Mr. Glenn

Thanks for your question,

Welcome back to the dating scene! It can be a challenging for anyone.. especially when faced with the fear and ignorance that still exists in society.

But luckily even with all, that many MANY people are connecting and finding love in mixed-status and poz-poz couples. Check out some resources that we have here:

"Sex, Dating, & HIV for Gay Men"

"Rejected Because of Your HIV Status?"

Remember, you deserve to find love and connection just like anyone else! I hope everything goes great with this current guy, sounds like you all are having a good time :)

Also, unless you're having unprotected sex or sharing needles with this person they aren't going to get HIV from you.

The only way that an HIV positive person could pass HIV to a negative person is if their HIV+ body fluid (blood, semen, pre-cum, vaginal fluid, or breast milk) leaves their body and enters into the body of a negative person directly/immediately.

Hope this helps!


HIV+ and "wanted to be a father"
"bottom to top transmission"

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