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HIV+ and "wanted to be a father"

Jan 24, 2012

I have been hiv positive for 10 years now. I have been thinking being a father for so long but because of my status I never tried it. I understand my only option to find an hiv positive woman who wants to be a mother but since i have been keeping my status secret, I don't know how to make this happen. Any thought will be appreciated.

Response from Mr. Glenn

Thanks for this question,

First off, congrats on years of healthy living and considering parenthood! You actually have a few options in front of you.

Adoption is always a course of action. Sperm washing is another option. This is a procedure where your semen is washed away, leaving just your sperm. While this can be pretty expensive, it is available.

Another thing to consider is trying to achieve undetectability and becoming a father the old fashion way. I know how this might sound, but there are many mixed-status couples who (after much consideration) attempt to get pregnant this way. When a HIV positive person becomes undetectable the risk of them transmitting to their partner gets really low, therefore making this a possible way to conceive without your partner getting your HIV. This can be controversial, but it's something to think about.

Since this is the Safe Sex and HIV Prevention forum let me emphasize how important it is that you both consider the risks. Even if you were to have sex with a HIV positive woman there is the risk that you could contract her version of HIV (which could complicate your treatment).

Remember this is just an overview of options. How you move forward will depend on conversations with you current partner and doctor.

It can help to connect with others who are living with HIV, finding a community of people with similar circumstances gives you an idea of what other people are doing. It can also alleviate some of the stress that comes with keeping a secret like this.

Also, our website has many HIV resources around having children and pregnancy.

Hope this helps,


HIV risk from (possible) blood left on already cooked food "Bloody Brussels"
"Unsure about dating disclosure and timing"

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