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Pos and Want to get married to a neg lady in March

Jan 11, 2012

Hello Expert,

I was diagnosed to be hiv-positive in nov. 2010 and started medication in May 2011. I disclosed to my previous partner and she opted out of the relationship.

I recently met ( we were actually introduced by a mutual friend) a lady who likes me so much (but is negative) and i immediately disclosed to my status to her. She is willing to go ahead with the relationship and get married to me.

I like to be responsible, so I wish to know what we need to do for her to remain negative while we also raise a family. I will be 36 next month and she was 28 in Sept 2011. I want to begin to take the necessary steps to ensure we get married and to prepare myself for making babies. Please kindly guide me on what steps i need to take, medically, to ensure she retains her status and our kids are not affected.

Response from Ms. Southall

Hi That's so great you found someone who loves you for who you are. I'm in the exact situation myself being positive and my husband is negative. Thank you also for disclosing your status so early on and allowing that conversation to happen! Well done. The first thing to do is continue taking good care of yourself, seeing your Health Care Provider and staying on your medications. You want to talk with your Provider about wanting to start a family to ensure you are on the right medication. There are medications that are for HIV but can cause harm to fetal development. Depending on where you live there are clinics that specialize in working with couples wanting to conceive. If you don't have one in your area, your doctor should know what steps to take or where to refer you. There is a procedure called sperm washing,where they are able to take your sperm and wash away HIV and then your wife would be inseminated with that sperm. Some couples have opted to go ahead and have unprotected sex as long as your viral load is undetectable and then the mom is screened throughout her pregnancy to ensure there was no transmission some couples decide to use an anonymous sperm donor or there are couples who have opted to adopt.

Just make sure you have a great line of communication with both your partner and your Health Care Provider so that the right decision is made for everyone.

Be well and stay safe! Shannon

Serious question - not about catching HIV in the supermarket
oral sex - HIV

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