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Please help me!!!! Unprotected Vaginal/Oral Sex

Sep 11, 2011

First Dr. Bob let me start by saying your site is amazing and truly a blessing and your sense of humor is awesome and I know you are gay but we straight girls can still think your hot! :-) I would love to make a donation but couldn't find a place to do so online?....please advise.

Now I do have a question that I would so greatly appreciate you answering as I am honestly losing my mind. Here is my situation:

On Sept. 5th I had unprotected vaginal and oral sex with an ex of mind. Stupid I know. He DID NOT cum inside of me (but he did come on my back so I am worried some of his semen might have dripped in). He has just come out of a 2 1/2 year relationship. I did ask him if he had HIV which he said no. He just tested HIV negative on 08/25/11 with the Home Access test kit. My concerns is that the results weren't accurate. He has stated over and over that he has had no new sex partners since 2009 when he and his ex got together. He is even willing to go test with me for HIV at the 90 day mark.

As of today Sept 10th five days after exposure I have developed a stiff neck and a mouth ulcer. I have read those are two of the main signs or ARS or HIV early infection.

So here are my questions

1) What is my risk of developing HIV from this exposure? 2) Does a stiff neck with mouth ulcer on side of tongue mean ARS or early HIV infection? 3) Are my symptoms highly suggestive of ARS or early HIV infection. 4) How accurate would his Home Access test really be? 5) How do I donate to your site.

I would greatly appreciate an answer to my question as this is all I can think about. I don't even know if i can make it to the 90 day mark. My thoughts are consumed with this. I have become withdrawn from my friends and family. How will I explain to them I have HIV.....which I have now convinced myself I have. PLEASE PLEASE HELP!

Thank you so much for your time.

Stay Cute :)

Response from Dr. Frascino


Thanks for your kind comments! They are warmly appreciated. Sex with an ex is often turns out to be problematic! (That's why they became an ex in the first place, right?)

Responding to your questions:

1. Unprotected sex does place you at some degree of risk for STDs, including HIV. Your overall HIV risk remains low if you trust what your ex said.

2. No, of course not, silly gal! Symptoms are notoriously unreliable in predicting who is and is not HIV infected. Your particular symptoms are not at all worrisome for or suggestive of HIV acute retroviral syndrome (ARS).

3. This sounds a lot like question two above! The answer is the same.

4. Home Access tests are FDA approved and extremely accurate. A negative test taken outside the seroconversion window is considered a true negative.

5. Donation information for The Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation can be found on the foundation's Web site at Thanks for your support. In return I'm sending my good-luck/good-health karma that you are now and will forever be HIV free!

If you are having difficulty with anxiety while enduring the window period, talk to your doctor or a licensed mental health professional for help. Counseling and/or anti-anxiety medications can be very helpful during stressful times.

One way to decrease your anxiety level might be to have your ex get a rapid HIV test now. If he's negative, you'll be able to relax considerably, because at that point your risk would be sharply curtailed to the very remote possibility that he has only recently become infected and is still within his seroconversion window (HIV infected but not yet making detectable levels of anti-HIV antibodies).

Stop worrying about how to explain you have HIV to your friends and family. You're getting way, way, way ahead of yourself!

I'll promise to "stay cute" if you promise to ratchet down the anxiety levels while waiting for your definitive test. Deal?

Good luck. Be well.

Dr. Bob

Oral sex with HIV+ guy

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