It's been a while....
Sep 11, 2011
I was surfing this site and writing to you almost daily a few years ago (I donated a large whiskey bottle of money and was just about to move to Berlin).
I have been here in Berlin for almost five years now. FIVE YEARS! It was that long ago that I was going through my "worried well" hell. It was a worried hell on a big magnitude. I landed in therapy - doctors orders, lost a year of studying, a year of my life. Five years later and you are still here, still writing a s%&t load of mails every day. Still a wonderful man, who I have not forgotten in those five years. In the five years that have passed, a couple of friends of mine have been unlucky enough to be diagnosed positive and it has changed my outlook on HIV 100%. I never 100% got over my worried well hell, and I still think about things (HIV) a lot. Five years ago, the only person I knew who with HIV was you. Now I have everyday contact with people who are "normal", who enjoy life, who I know and care about and who have made me realise that HIV is not worth putting yourself through the hell i put myself through five years ago.
I am writing this mail for me, for the times I still get myself in a worried well hell (still quite frequently), for you, Bob, for the wonderful work you have done and continue to do (you really do astound me), for my friends and for all those who are worried well - whatever you are worried about, worried well or not, do not let HIV ruin your life. It has taken me 5 years to look at this disease as anything else than a death sentence - the only death sentence imposed on me was one I imposed.
Dr Bob is a great man, a wonderful man, but get off this site, go and get yourself tested, do not imprison yourself in your own thoughts....they are MUCH worse than this virus!
Life (with or without HIV) goes on. Dr. Bob is a (excuse my German) fucking wonderful exapmle of that! Pluck up the courage, go get tested, go and enjoy life, come back and visit Dr. Bob every once in a while!
I am sending you all come cosmic Kharma, (could always do with some in return) and to you, Bob, well, a lot of liebe!
Alles gute aus Berlin!
Response from Dr. Frascino
Welcome back to the forum! I remember you. See links below. Thanks for taking the time to write in and share your insights. Yes, I'm still here. Has it really been five years? WOWZA. That's exactly 986, 587, 221 questions ago! (But who's counting, right?) Since your HIV scare a number of years ago we've actually made an entirely new category in the archives entitled "I'm Positive I'm Positive." It's filled with folks who are "110% convinced" they are HIV infected, despite overwhelming and irrefutable evidence they are not. Finding one's way out of worried-well hell is really challenging for these anxious folks. I'm hopeful they will benefit from your experience.
If you still find yourself lapsing back into old worries, Simon, ongoing or periodic counseling may well help you retain your perspective that the problem is not HIV, but rather fear of HIV.
Thanks for the good wishes, and I am sending my best good-luck/good-health karma that you are now and will forever be HIV free. Simon, be well and stay well. (It looks like I may be heading to Berlin again next year. It's an amazing city.)
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