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Two nice gay men want sex without condoms
Sep 3, 2011

About 3 months ago, I met someone wonderful. We've been talking and sharing and spending a lot of time together, and this is a great match. Just over 3 months ago, the only risks either of us had with other men was mutual masturbation and some oral sex (once). Some of the men I masturbated with were known to be promiscuous (wanted anal sex without a condom - which I would not do). The oral sex episode was on someone I knew very well, and was over 2 years ago (I've been HIV tested since).

Here's the question: We both got tested 3 months after our most recent possible sexual exposures (described above) and we both tested HIV negative. We haven't had ANY sex since we met because we're both a little HIV/STD scared. After both of us having a 12 week HIV antibody test that was negative, do you think it would be safe for us to begin exploring sex together (just oral and mutual masturbation) without condoms? We've promised one another that if either of us slip-up, we would tell the other immediately and stop having unprotected oral and masturbation until we get tested again.

My heart goes out to all who have to deal with the burden of being HIV positive, including you, and I respect them for thier fight. At the same time, I want us both to remain HIV negative -- this might be Mr Right (for both of us) which is why we decided from the first time we met to just cuddle and talk and kiss until we got tested at 12 weeks (which we did). I guess, with the CDC saying 6 months, we got a little panicky, and wanted your expert opinion based on our past, along with our 12 week test, if we're good to go in terms of oral and masturbation.

Much peace and love!

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello, Two Nice Gay Men.

Mutual masturbation is not considered a risk for HIV transmission/acquisition, so go ahead and whip 'em out boys and let the wank-a-thon begin without further delay.

Oral sex carries only a very low risk for HIV transmission/acquisition. Many folks consider unprotected sex an acceptable risk. However, each person has to decide for himself what level of risk is acceptable.

If you both tested HIV negative outside the HIV seroconversion window period, then you are not infected. If (and this is a big if) you remain completely monogamous, your chance of getting HIV would be nonexistent. You can't transmit something neither one of you has, right? Of course right! That's just common sense. The six-month recommendation from the CDC pertains primarily to significant HIV exposures. However, if you guys are the paranoid types, you could continue using condoms until the six-month mark and then get retested. The statistical odds are astronomically in your favor that you are now HIV negative and this would be reconfirmed in six months.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob



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