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Just Found Out My Partner is HIV Positive by Accident. BETRAYED

Jul 25, 2011

I am really upset, so please forgive me if I don't write with elegance and finesse. I've been dating a guy/co-worker for over 2 months. Since, I already knew him, we started a sexual relationship relatively quickly. We'd have lunch together during the work week and I would drive my car. Today, while cleaning my car, I found two pills under my passenger seat. One pill had the numbers 227 on it. I goggled it and found out it is a HIV medication. The picture and color of the pill were an exact match. Plus, he's the only person who has been in my car besides my kids who ride in the back seat. I'm in total shock right now!

We've had protected vaginal sex twice. He's performed unprotected oral sex on me three times and I have performed unprotected oral sex on him four times w/ejaculation in my mouth three times (I didn't swallow). I have genital herpes and was outbreak free during these times. What are my chances of infection via oral sex? Does the fact that he is on medication decrease my chances of infection? Should I confront him on this issue or just stop speaking to him? I might lose my job because I'm not sure if I can maintain my composure!!! I've lost all trust in people. We've had discussions about HIV & STDs. He never said a word! I can't believe this!!

Thank you in advance for your response.

Response from Dr. Frascino


Most likely the "227" pill was Isentress (an integrase inhibitor antiretroviral medication used to treat HIV disease). It's pink in color. There are other pills with 227 on them, including metformin (white) and isosorbide dinitrate (green).

Before jumping to conclusions I'd suggest you have a heart-to-heart discussion with your coworker. Innocent until proven guilty, right?

Also, I must point out that although I absolutely agree HIV status should be disclosed well before the pants hit the floor, it's equally important that we all take personal responsibility for our health. As I have frequently stated in this forum we must consider that all our sex partners could be positively charged. One out of every five HIV-positive Americans has no idea he is infected with the virus! If appropriate safer sex precautions are always followed, finding out one's partner is virally enhanced wouldn't be so terrifying or potentially catastrophic.

Regarding the HIV-acquisition risk associated with oral sex, it's low, but not nonexistent. See link below. Also, if indeed your coworker is on antiretrovirals, it's likely his viral load is suppressed, which would significantly decrease the risk of viral transmission.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

Sex with someone who is HIV+ (TRANSMISSION VIA ORAL SEX, 2011) Mar 11, 2011

PEP - insertive unprotected anal sex
rabies immunoglobulin human diploid cell

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