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took off condom during anal sex
Apr 30, 2001

I was having anal sex with a guy, and he was having a hard time getting it in because I haven't done it too much. I was the receptive partner.When he withdrew, he came at that time, but I noticed the condom wasn't there-when asked, he said he "took it off before." Although he didn't come inside me, when he withdrew he came so fast that I wondered if he came a little inside me before he withdrew.I never could find the condom, so I figure one of two scenerios: 1) it came off inside me (it only covered half his penis) or 2)he hid is in his sock. My questions are 1) can a condom come off and you don't know? I tried feeling in there and nothing, and if this can happen, would it work its way out? My second question is,how risky was this enconter? I called a hotline and they said I should get tested in 3 months. I am so scared I can't eat or sleep and too in shock to even cry. Thank you.

Response from Mr. Kull

This sounds like a complicated and confusing situation for you, so it makes sense that you would feel anxious. The hotline was correct in advising you to get tested three months following the incident, just to be sure. One episode of receptive anal sex with no ejaculation (?) in the rectum with a man who has sex with man is considered a risk for infection, but the odds of being infected in one encounter with an HIV positive person are low (see "Serodiscordant male couple anal sex" http://www.thebody.com/Forums/AIDS/SafeSex/Archive/TransmissionSexual/Q2984.qna).

If the condom did come off in your rectum (this is possible), it would be highly likely that you would pass the condom during a bowel movement. However, in the unlikely event that a condom is stuck and if you notice any discomfort, you may want to talk with your doctor about the situation.

From your story, you seem to suggest that this guy took off the condom without you knowing it. I have heard stories like this before, and it can be a frightening situation. In some ways, his behavior is tantamount to assault (he did something sexual with you without your consent). Even though the facts are too unclear to jump to conclusions, situations like yours can have negative psychological/emotional effects for individuals. Pay attention to how you are feeling and seek out some support if necessary.

There is nothing morally wrong with having sex with another guy that you don't know too well. It is important that you maintain a decent level of awareness or your physical and emotional safety when you engage in, for lack of a better term, casual sex. And remember that mistakes do happen.

RMK



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