Jun 20, 2011
Hi Doctor, I am freaking out a bit because last night I had a guy over and did the following:
-french kiss -oral (no condom, give and receive), no cumming in mouth or anything -anal sex (i was giving, with condom only and it didnt break).
I know the risk is probably low, but this guy did not tell me he was positive until after we finished and now I am freaking myself out. What should I do? I feel very betrayed and scared.
Response from Dr. Frascino
Why are you freaking out because your horizontal mattress-mambo buddy disclosed his virally enhanced status??? If he didn't disclose or if he didn't know he was positively charged, would you be at any less risk right now? No, of course not. It's worthwhile pointing out that of the over 1,100,000 HIV-positive Americans, one out of every five (20%) has absolutely no idea he is infected with the virus! That is why we need to consider that all our sexual partners could be HIV positive and take all the necessary precautions to prevent transmission of the virus. You followed the most important safer sex rule: You used a condom for anal sex! BRAVO! Assuming the latex condom was used properly and didn't break, your HIV-acquisition risk for your protected dance with no pants would be essentially nonexistent.
As for your other risks, french kissing is not considered a risk for HIV transmission. Oral sex carries only a very low risk for HIV transmission/acquisition; so low that many folks consider it an acceptable risk. That there was no ejaculation in the mouth decreases the already low risk. If your buddy was on antiretrovirals and his viral load was suppressed to undetectable levels, this would very significantly further decrease any potential risk of HIV transmission. (You didn't mention if he was on meds or not.)
Regarding what to do, a single HIV-antibody test at the three-month mark is all that's warranted. The odds are astronomically in your favor that you did not contract HIV from this sexperience. Post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) would not be warranted for such a limited potential risk.
So relax Max. I'm quite confident all will turn out well (including you). You should have inquired about and your buddy should have disclosed his HIV status before the pants hit the floor; a lesson I'm sure you've learned from this anxiety provoking episode.
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