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Remering you my question

May 7, 2011

Hello Bob,

Please ask my question as i am getting confused(1) I am hiv negative woman and my husband is hiv positive. Please help me is there any transmision if my husband will leck my vaginal and also I will leck his penis but he first wear a condom then i will leck it. (2) AND why I am so afraid to do sex with my husband I am not comfortable with him, I dont enjoy sex I don't know what to do please help me? (3) Is it a must my husband to put jel on the condom because I heard if there is no jelly on the condom there is a possibility of transmision is it correct message? (4) can we wash together clothes in washing machine (5) Can we sleep together everyday because i separated the bed.

Please help help, and God Bless you, thanks

Response from Dr. Frascino


I'm hoping English is not your primary language!

1. Oral sex with your HIV-positive partner wearing a condom would not be a risk for transmitting HIV, assuming the latex condom was used properly and did not break. Cunnilingus (he performing oral sex on you) carries only an extremely low risk for viral transmission. Extenuating circumstances, such as his having active bleeding in his mouth and your having a cut or sore on your vagina, would increase the risk. You can read more about the risk of cunnilingus in the archives in the chapter devoted to oral sex. Have a look!

2. Fear of becoming HIV infected can really put a damper on sex and intimacy. Communication is key to help overcome these fears. Sometimes counseling (even couples counseling) is needed to help confront these fears. You need to be open and honest about your fears and feelings. Your husband needs to be sensitive to your fears. Plus, he should become an equal partner in making sure you remain uninfected. There are a number of harm-reduction techniques you might want to consider as the negative half of a magnetic couple. These would include having a dose of PEP ready to take in case of an accidental exposure (broken condom) or taking a course of PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis). You can read more about these in the chapter in the archives devoted to magnetic couples. Both you and your husband would benefit from reviewing the information in that chapter.

3. Lubrication is very important to decrease discomfort during sex and also to decrease the chances of the condom breaking. Remember to use only those lubricants that are compatible with latex.

4. Yes, absolutely. There is absolutely no risk of HIV transmission in the Maytag!

5. Yes, absolutely. Review the information in the archives of this forum on exactly how HIV is and is not transmitted. We have chapters devoted to HIV-sexual transmission and prevention, safer sexual techniques, HIV nonsexual transmission and prevention and other pertinent topics. Have a look.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

Travel With Severe Anemia -
why my elisa is always positive???

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