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Cleansing the Wand: the Clorox Wipe & Urethra Story

Mar 27, 2011

Dr. Bob- 6 years after gloriously shouting my first official "Wooohoo!", I find myself back in the hellish, neurotic confines of the "worried-well world".

I am a straight 29 year old male and I met a girl out at a bar a few nights ago. After hitting it off well, we found ourselves doing horizontal hanky-panky without a rubber just hours later. Foolish. Stupid! I know...

To tell you the truth, I actually thought of YOU and my fellow WW's just as I was finishing the act. Literally! How could I have been so reckless with myself? My health? The 3 month hell-cycle of worry had just begun...

Upon realizing how foolishly I had just behaved, I quickly excused myself to the bathroom. I frantically began searching this stranger's room for anything to help wash away the act (and any potential biological warfare she might have left behind on "me").

I found some of those Clorox wipes- the kind for bathroom cleaning-and a can of Oust Air Freshener. My neurotic mind conceived a very desperate and barbaric plan of self-preservation: I started rubbing my penis with the Clorox wipes, making sure to ring out enough fluid to pour down my urethra. I even sprayed one-eyed-willie with the Oust, trying to get the cleaning fluid (which promises to kill 99.9% of germs... as it says on the can) as far down the urethra as I could. I was terrified that while thrusting away, her vaginal fluids had found their way down, down, down my hole.

(Needless to say, I was not shouting "Woohoo"... it was more like "AHHHH!!!" Not even a Civil War era surgeon could have come up with an act so barbaric, or self-immolating.)

She claims to be clean, but the fact that she was so quick to "have me" over makes me a bit reluctant to trust her word alone. There was no blood present, and I had no abrasions or cuts/sores on my unprotected member. From what I've researched, the most likely method of infection would be from her fluids into my urethra.

Because I ejaculated outside of her, could the "eruption" have been enough to have cleared my tube of any unwanted invaders? Was my chemistry experiment in penile punishment unnecessary? Or might I have saved myself from a potential infection, assuming something made its way down there?

My mind has gone over the act thousands of times, each time trying to figure out how difficult it might be for a woman's fluid to get into that one hole.

Assuming it did, is the area just beneath the opening considered a suseptible mucous membrane? Or does the woman's fluid realllly have to make its way down in there to be a threat?

I'm still weeks away from an accurate testing (the 3 month mark), so I'm seeking some semblance of peace of mind.

I can only hope that in the meantime, my tale might bring a smile, laugh, or feeling of solidarity to my fellow neurotic, worried-wells...

- Phried Phalluce in Philadelphia

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Phried Phalluce in Philadelphia,

You poured Clorox down your urethra and then sprayed in another bathroom cleaning fluid (because if "promised to kill 99.9% of germs")??? OUCHAMAGOUCHA! Dude, you just gave me a total body shiver just imagining what you did to your trouser snake! Aside from the "AHHHH!!!" you experienced, this "very desperate and barbaric plan" was a really, really bad idea! Not only could you damage the delicate mucous membranes lining the urethra, but your masochistic cleansing maneuvers could have actually increased your risk of acquiring the virus! Local trauma or irritation to an area exposed to fresh HIV-tainted fluids can increase the risk of viral transmission/acquisition.

The other thing that surprised me about your post was that as you were "finishing the act" of your horizontal mambo, doing the dance with no pants with gal-pal from the bar, you were thinking about me (and ww's)!!! Now that's maybe even more kinky than your Cloroxing your Mr. Happy.

Bottom line: unprotected nookie puts you at risk for STDs, including HIV, wether you pop your cork inside or not. All the reset is just mental masturbation and what-iffing. You need an STD screen and a three-month HIV test. Good luck! And stop abusing your tallywhacker. I guess it's a good thing you didn't find an electric toothbrush in that bathroom or you might have shoved that down your one-eyed monster as well!

Dr. Bob

"The Rambler" has returned.........(so sorry)

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