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Dr bob you are so freaking funny, im not kidding (A FEW FUNNY POSTS FROM THE ARCHIVES, 2011)
Mar 13, 2011

This is not a question but I just admired your sence of humor. I read your comments almost every day like a old guy read the paper every morning.....and I see how people ask you questions about when they are going to die,etc, and you have this wonderful way of answering does questions with such a funny way ..sometimes I can stop lauging. just looking the news everyday there are tragedies arround the world,haiti,chile,and now japan that realy our problems are not that big, but you always find time to give us your best advice and recomendations. Thank you doctor bob,and keep the good sence of humor. (im not gay, well that is what I think, but you are a great person,and we need more people like you in this world)

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

Thanks. Gay, straight, bi-curious, or whatever, it's always nice to find someone who appreciates my admittedly twisted sense of humor. Welcome to Dr.. Bob's Smile-high Club!

I'll repost a few classics from the archives.

Keep smiling (it makes people wonder what you've been up to).

Dr. Bob

HI KITTY?????? (HELLO KITTY) Feb 25, 2009

Dr. Bob,

I'm looking for one of your old posts having to do with "HI KITTY". Can't find it. The archives are amazingly extensive. Can you help... Peter

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

Well, I'm not sure the "Hi Kitty" post you are looking for is same as the "HELLO KITTY" one I found, but I'll repost it nonetheless.

Dr. Bob

Masturbating in Class. (HELLO KITTY ERASER!!!) Jul 13, 2008

Iam a girl here in Arkansas.Well to makethe long story short I was having a little fun in English class and was masturbating with what I though was my pencil with a hello kitty eraser.Well to my surprise I saw that my gay best friend Earl had my pencil and I had his.(my initials were on the pencil he was using).Well, I know my gay best friend Earl also masturbates from behind with his pencil.Do you think I may have contracted HIV from Earl?I know he is gay and you never know....please help me IAM TERRIFIED!!!

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Little Miss Arkansas,

Let me get this straight. While in English class, you were masturbating with a pencil with a "hello kitty" eraser??????? Hmm . . . well, hello kitty indeed!!!! However, as it turns out, it really wasn't your hello kitty tickling your pet pussy after all, because you saw your gay best friend Earl had your pencil and you had his! Ohmigod!!! And you know your gay best friend also masturbates "from behind" with his pencil, so you are now "TERRIFIED" you may have contracted HIV, because Earl is gay. Do I have that correct????

Gosh, those "hello kitty" pencils sure seem to be getting a lot of action in Arkansas these days! Who knew?!?!?

Your HIV risk is nonexistent; however, young lady, I should put you on detention for either making up stories or masturbating in English class!

Dr. Bob

FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY FUNNY !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Mar 1, 2009

Dr. Bob,

You are too funny. No the Hello Kitty question wasn't the opne I was looking for but I did eventually find the question and response I was searching for. Along the way I nearly wet my pants from reading some of your responses!!! I'll post a few of my many favorites below for your other fans who could use a laugh. Keep it up Dr. Bob (you Italians usually do!)

Semen Stained Undies Nov 8, 2003

A guy sent me a pair of semen stained underwear in a ziplocked plastic baggie. It took ten days for them to reach me, and when I opened them, the semen stains were crusty but the material appeared to have absorbed the liquid and appeared damp. I deep sniffed the underwear for about five minutes and rubbed my nose --but not my mouth -- against them. About five days later I developed a low-grade recurring fever. What is the likelihood that there was a HIV virus transfer in this incident?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello, Gosh,

a new use for Ziplock plastic bags! So tell me, did this guy just decide to send you his spunked-up boxers because he didn't know what else to get you for Valentine's Day? Or perhaps they were supposed to be delivered to the dry cleaners next door? Or did you order them as a novelty item to put in the office X-mas gift grab-bag? So, then you deep sniffed the jizzed Calvins for 5 minutes? Really? Now listen pal, I've heard about trying to "Shout" stains out, but never snort them out! On to your question HIV risk? None. Relax and take some deep breaths. (Oh, by the way, you might be able to breath a bit more easily if you stop using those crusty Fruit of the Looms as a gas mask! (By the way I do hope you know I'm only teasing your sexual pastime olfactory pleasure in all of its forms is definitely in the realm of safe sex). One final thought: I would not suggest re-gifting this item at X-mas time.

Dr. Bob

Dr. Bob question about sex Dec 6, 2003

I don't know if you could help me or not. When my boyfriend and are are about to have sex, he all of a sudden goes soft. Not all the time but more often times then I think is normal. It will go hard again and sometimes he can finish but other times he can't. Do you think it's just stress or could it be more serious than that?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

That's a little hard (or soft) to tell over the Internet. Try this: Say, "Judy, Carol, Barbra, Liza, and Bette" in very rapid succession. If he answers back, "Garland, Burnett, Streisand, Minnelli, and Midler" equally quickly, then yes, he may have a problem that's more than stress or performance anxiety. Alternatively, have him see his doctor for an evaluation.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

Sex through zipper on pants? Jan 19, 2004

Can a guy have sex with you through the zipper on his pants? without unbuttoning them?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

What the hell are you talking about? First off, zippers zip and buttons button. Zippers don't unbutton. Next, even if the dude is a pencil-dicked geek, his Mr. Happy just wouldn't fit through a zipped zipper. Right? So tell me, just how small is your boyfriend?

Dr. Bob

Dr. Bob body piercings Jul 21, 2005

What are the pros and cons about getting your tongue pierced?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Pros: Some folks find them a turn-on. Cons: OUCH! OUCH! OUCH! OUCH!!!!!!

Dr. Bob

bruce Nov 29, 2005

What explanation can be given to a bruce in the area of the connection from the testicle to the begining of the penis?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello, You want an explanation as to why there is "a bruce in the area of the connection from your testicle to the beginning of your penis???" Hmmm . . . . well, the most likely explanation would have to be that Bruce is gay.

Dr. Bob

dog sex? Jan 26, 2006 What happend if your dog licked your vagina

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

Licked my vagina? But I don't have a vagina!

Dr. Bob

safe sex? Feb 1, 2006

was sex was made for marriage? and do u think-the worst unsafeness of sex-is on the mind-and morals-get real-i am a Jew that came to Jesus=Isaiah chapter53 and before-and went from being a slutty guy -self controlled to respecting girls like i would desire my sister to be respected-hello thanks friends-david david7israel

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello, Well, whether or not you're a Jew that came to Jesus, I hope that someday you'll be a Jew that comes to a grammar and punctuation class. I'm having a hard time trying to figure out what the hell you're talking about. Do I "think the worst unsafeness of sex is on the mind and morals get real"? What??? And you describe yourself as having been a "slutty guy self controlled to respecting girls like i would desire my sister . . . ." What the hell does that mean? As for your question: do I think sex was made for marriage? No, of course not. The only folks who believe that nonsense also believe Adam and Eve rode dinosaurs to church every Sunday. Oh . . . you're one of them . . . hmmm . . . I should have guessed. You can follow the advice of "Isaiah" if you wish. I prefer to follow the wisdom of another famous Jew who sang that "Lovers are very special people. They're the luckiest people in the world." (Barbra Streisand). Perhaps that makes me a Gentile that came to Barbra? So "Jews for Jesus" David, can I ask what are you even doing here on the sex channel in the first place???

Dr. Bob

sex Apr 21, 2006

Can a man go without sex for 8 years?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Not this man.

Dr. Bob

Is it likely ? Jun 17, 2006

I am a virgin of 24 years but i have been in steady relationship with a man for 3 years i never allow him to have penetrative sex with me, but we practise frottage and intercrurrial sex with the use of condom last year we were on it and he started rubbing my virginal with is organ we never did insertion and he was on it for like 10 sec without a condom when i saw this i immediately insist he use a condom that is the only exposure i had ever had .so this is my situation 1 there was a routine medical check in my work place hiv test was included and my result came out hiv+ , i told the doctor my case and he told me i am to do a confirmatory test which i am very scarred to do ? 2 with this type of exposure of mine is it really posible that i have hiv ,after rulling out all other non sexual avenue of contacting the virus 3 the doctor told me to go for a confirmatory test in a laboratory is it possible that the innitial test was in error? 4 i really appreciate the work you are doing keep the your kindness will be paid in countless fold

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

". . . he started rubbing my virginal with his organ . . . ." Hmmm . . . . Well, a "virginal" is a small legless rectangular harpsichord popular in the 16th and 17th centuries, so am I to assume your boyfriend has an antique fetish and was trying to spunk a valuable family heirloom??? Look, Sweetie, intercrural (not intercrurrial) sex, also called outercourse, is non-penetrative and consequently not an HIV risk. To specifically answer your questions: 1. If you test HIV positive on a screening test and have absolutely no HIV risk, your test must be a false positive. Don't be frightened. Get the follow-up, more sophisticated test as recommended. The results will be negative.

2. Nope.

3. Yep.

4. Thanks!

Dr. Bob

manbag condoms Jul 6, 2006

Hey Dr. McHandsome,

I'm about to enter into the sexually active period of my life.I'm 25 and I can't wait to impress the ladies with my wit and fashion! I'm writing because I'm concerned about carrying condoms in my pocket or wallet. Should i carry them in my man-bag instead or would that be too ticky-tacky? Thanks for your prompt repy,

Sincerely yours,

Sergio-Gaylord

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

You refer to me as Dr. McHandsome; you're 25 but only now about ready to enter into the sexually active period of your life; you expect to impress ladies with your wit and fashion; you carry a man-bag and your name is Sergio-Gaylord????? Whoa! There are so many rainbow flags waving in that message that it's only one penis Popsicle away from a Gay Day parade. Dude, first off, when someone mentions man-bag on this site, I think scrotum. To answer your question, condoms can be comfortably carried in your pockets or attaché case or stored for handy use in your nightstand "goody drawer." Next, you may well be as straight as a lawn dart, but the tone of your post makes me wonder if you could bottom for Liberace. Either way, of course, it's fine with me. I just want you to be safe and sexually content and never-ever ticky-tacky.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

Mutual Masturbation and Pre-cum Apr 2, 2003

Dear Doctor,

I am a male who's primary sexual contact is through mutaul masturbation with other men. Highly pleasurable. However, I am always a quite apprehensive about the inevitable exchange of pre-cum which occurs during this activity. His own pre-cum on his hand comes into contact with my penis through touching each other. Wouldn't the risk of that pre-cum coming into contact with my urethra pose a risk for HIV infection? I would certainly like to continue with this activity, without having to use a condom, but NOT at the risk of my health. Could you please shed a little more light on this. I have read other posts on this subject, but I'm still not sure if I should be more concerned of less concerned about this activity; which means I'm never really able to full relax and enjoy the intimacy of the moment. Please advise. Thank you.

A little unsure

PS-You ARE a wonderful addition to a superb team of caring counselors. I wish you all the best!

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

Yes, its true that pre-cum can contain HIV; however, the risk of contracting HIV from mutual masturbation is essentially nil. For instance, it is possible you could be walking by a high-rise building enjoying a nice Starbucks non-fat vanilla latte, when someone accidentally drops an eggplant out their window on the 69th floor, which then happens to thwack you in the noggin at high speed, causing you to spill your hot Starbucks coffee onto a bicycle rider who veers off course and into the path of an oncoming bus of Mormons on their way to a gay circuit party. See what I mean? The possibility is there, but really, lets face it Mormons never go to circuit parties, right? It doesnt mean they cant. Its just extremely unlikely. So, continue to enjoy your "highly pleasurable" whack offs with hunky spunkies. Its considered an extremely low-risk (but high-pleasure) activity.

Stay well.

Dr. Bob

Mutual Masturbation and Pre-cum Apr 2, 2003

Dear Doctor,

I am a male who's primary sexual contact is through mutaul masturbation with other men. Highly pleasurable. However, I am always a quite apprehensive about the inevitable exchange of pre-cum which occurs during this activity. His own pre-cum on his hand comes into contact with my penis through touching each other. Wouldn't the risk of that pre-cum coming into contact with my urethra pose a risk for HIV infection? I would certainly like to continue with this activity, without having to use a condom, but NOT at the risk of my health. Could you please shed a little more light on this. I have read other posts on this subject, but I'm still not sure if I should be more concerned of less concerned about this activity; which means I'm never really able to full relax and enjoy the intimacy of the moment. Please advise. Thank you.

A little unsure

PS-You ARE a wonderful addition to a superb team of caring counselors. I wish you all the best!

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

Yes, its true that pre-cum can contain HIV; however, the risk of contracting HIV from mutual masturbation is essentially nil. For instance, it is possible you could be walking by a high-rise building enjoying a nice Starbucks non-fat vanilla latte, when someone accidentally drops an eggplant out their window on the 69th floor, which then happens to thwack you in the noggin at high speed, causing you to spill your hot Starbucks coffee onto a bicycle rider who veers off course and into the path of an oncoming bus of Mormons on their way to a gay circuit party. See what I mean? The possibility is there, but really, lets face it Mormons never go to circuit parties, right? It doesnt mean they cant. Its just extremely unlikely. So, continue to enjoy your "highly pleasurable" whack offs with hunky spunkies. Its considered an extremely low-risk (but high-pleasure) activity.

Stay well.

Dr. Bob

Funny Salad Dressing on my Chicken Wrap Feb 2, 2008

Hello Dr. Bob!

I have a question for you and hopefully you can answer it for me. Ok, the other day I got a chicken wrap and began eating it when I realized it had some sort of dressing on it. I opened the wrap and saw salad dressing all over the chicken, etc. and immediately began to worry if someone had tampered with the dressing and then used it to prepare other foods. Can you tell me (just to quash any other fears)if transmission would be possible if someone had "unloaded" into the salad dressing that was used in the wrap? I know this sounds crazy, but I really

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

". . . I know this sounds crazy . . . ." Yep! It certainly does so I won't argue with you about that! Dude, why would anyone "unload" into salad dressing? Even Mormons aren't that twisted and repressed. Well, OK, maybe they are. So just in case you do live in Salt Lake City and bought your chicken wrap at one of those ridiculously gaudy temples (the ones that look like they came directly out of Oz), your HIV risk would be nonexistent. So stop worrying about the "special sauce" on your wrap; besides the chicken will probably give you bird flu anyway.

Dr. Bob

FUCKING MYSELF WITH A PLANTAIN (SEX WITH FRUITS AND VEGETABLES 2009) May 15, 2009

Hi,

My name is LIVIN and i love to introduce a plantain in my ass while im jacking off. To me, is the best feeling ever, but im concern because i want to know if there are any risks of me getting AIDS or hurting myself really hard..cus i do like to do it hard with the plantain. so please Doctor if you could tell me if there is any danger on that i would really appreciate it.

sincerelly. LIVIN.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Livin,

Unusual name, but not quite as unusual as your fetish for ramming plantain up where the sun don't shine while jacking your tallywhacker. "Best feeling ever"??? Well, Livin, I'll have to take your word on that. As for an HIV risk, no, of course not. Why would you even consider it? Did you think maybe the plantain was cheating on you with other horned-up hotties who like sticking veggies or fruit up their butts? I'll report some information from the archives below. It involves a cucumber instead of a plantain but the principles (like the shape) are the same.

Dr. Bob

Medical Attention needed or not (ANOTHER CUCUMBER QUESTION) Nov 16, 2008

Hi Doctor,

Please help - this is an embarrassing yet worrying situation. I am a 30 year old woman and my boyfriend and I were indulging in foreplay in the kitchen. We were about to have sex and he then inserted a vertically chopped/sliced cucumber piece (cut and peeled) from the salad plate, around the length and density of a little finger in my anus. It got stuck and I'm worried about what to do. We stopped, and I have been worried since then. I have been passing stools normally since then - it has been over 24 hours. I'm not sure if it came out in the stools, or its still inside. If the latter, will it get digested or pushed out ultimately ? Is that safe ? I do not have pain so far, but yes, there is discomfort in the rectal and possibly lower abdomen area. Please advise,if i should ignore/forget about this, or go for a medical check-up. Or do some home remedy to get it out ? I swear I will never allow this again.

Thanks!

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

Cucumbers seem to be getting a lot of action these days. (See below.) I doubt you need medical attention as result of your cucumber backdoor action. As the old saying goes, "Things have a way of working themselves out in the end." I would advise against "home remedies." If your discomfort persists or increases, you should be evaluated.

Dr. Bob

Could I get HIV/STD by masturbating ? Oct 12, 2008

Hi Doctor, i know this might sound stupid but im really worried, i have been masturbating for some time now and some of the times i forget to wash my hands. My question is, could i get std/hiv or any virus by fingering my self with my hands dirty or clean? i am really worried and i would really apreciate your answer.I also have another question, could you get std/hiv by masturbating with a bottle, pickel or any thing like that? Thank you.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello, The answers to all your questions were waiting for you in the archives. The "cucumber" question is analogous to your pickle concerns. And for your bottle worries, check out Heineken-Up-The-Heinie Guy.

Dr. Bob

Cucumber Aug 14, 2005

Used a cucumber bought at grocery store as an anal toy. I was alone (I am a male.)I did not share it as it was a private masturbation. I put it in a stong bleach solution for 1 hour prior to use and washed it about 4 times with soap. was this an possible hiv risk.Iam married and just concerned.

Thankyou

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

You marinated a cucumber for an hour in strong bleach and then washed it four times before sticking it up your butt, and you are worried about HIV???? Hmmm . . . just how much action do you think this cucumber had prior to your "picking him up" in the vegetable aisle? Even if the grocery store was a "Piggly Wiggly," you have absolutely nothing to fear. I suggest you spend some time on this site learning about sex, safer sex, basic HIV information and sex toys. I'm a bit concerned what might happen when you get to the watermelon aisle.

Dr. Bob

Cucumber(No Watermelons) Aug 17, 2005

Your response was funny and when i thought about it, it was silly to marinate for 1 hour.I guess my concern was that some one might tamper with food at the store, someone with bad intent who would inject body fluid ,blood ect. i believe from reading that it would not survive under those circumstances. ? Thankyou

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

Do you really think "someone with bad intent" would pick that particular vegetable to "inject body fluid and blood????" Dude, come on, get real. Of all the penis-shaped objects at your local Piggly Wiggly, how would Mr. Bad Intent guess you would pick that particular one for your "sit and spin?" Just how cute was that cuke???

Dr. Bob

HIV - top of a bottle (HEINEKEN-UP-THE-HEINE) Jul 7, 2008

Dr. Bob,

at first, I'd like to congratulate yourself for the wonderful job that you do (I'm sorry for my English - I am writting from brazil). Here is my question: there's about a month that I travelled and spent the weekend at a hotel. There, I took a water bottle from the refrigerator and started to masturbate with it (I am a man and put it inside of me). I am afraid that someone (maybe HIV+) may have jerked on the bottle, or put some bleed over it, in the meaning that if someone used the bottle as a sextoy, it would infect the people. Do I need to get tested ? I arrived ath the hotel on a Tuesday and used the bottle at saturday Morning. I couldn't notice any secretions over the bottle. Thanks so much and greetings from brazil.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Brazil-Guy,

You're worried about a water bottle from the refrigerator in the hotel room that you shoved up your heinie??? Hmm . . . just how much action do you think that water bottle gets? Do you need to get tested? No, of course not. I can assure you most folks wouldn't even consider mounting a bottle of Perrier or spunking up a bottle of San Pellegrino. Although I do remember another guy who worried about a Heineken. (See below.)

Dr. Bob

Can I get HIV from dried spit inserted in anus? Mar 8, 2007

Okay, I'm really worried that I might have gotten HIV last week. I'm so paranoid that I'm having trouble focusing in school and at work. Please answer this please!!! This is what happened. I came home from work and went straight to take a bath. My dad had told me that 2 of his cousins were staying the night with us. While in the bath I saw a beer bottle and decided to use it for anal pleasure. after having it been inserted in me for a few seconds (15- 30) I relized THIS MIGHT HAVE BEEN MY COUSINS USED BEAR BOTTLE!!!! I immediatly stopped and threw the bottle away. I also immediatly stopped pleasuring myself anally. I'm not sure that my dads cousins have AIDS, but they are promiscuous and I don't believe I had any tears in my rectum or anus. However, 3- 4 days before this happened I had stomach problems and had to wipe my anus while on the toilet. I did this many times and by the time my stomach stopped hurting the area around my anus was very sore and I'm sure that i had a few small abrasians from wiping so much. But I do believe that these healed before my beer bottle encounter and the beer bottle was dry (the saliva was dry). Is it likly that I could have gotten HIV from this. I plan on getting tested but I need to know something while I'm in the window period. Please please please respond to this. I'm very scared and will never do anything like this again.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

You stuck a beer bottle up your butt??? Hmmm . . . OK, let's review. When out drinking beer and someone yells "bottoms up," that's not what they mean, OK? Returning now to your question, your HIV risk from your Heineken-up-the-heinie experience is nonexistent. But there can be other risks from ramming a Bud up your rosebud. So please be more discerning when choosing toys for your backdoor action.

Dr. Bob



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