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Jan 11, 2011

Hello Dr Bob

Please do not laugh at me. Please be patient with me and give me a chance to share my story. Please also be kind enough to share your advice with me, and which I would be so very grateful for so as to give me some peace of mind.

I have been worried sick about an incident that happened in a male public toilet in Malaysia a few weeks back. I felt very dizzy and went to compose myself in the toilet. I proceeded to urinate in one of the urinals, and just then, a strange-looking man gave me a shove from behind, and my trousers dropped to the ground. I was not wearing underwear at that time so my butt was visible to this man. He shoved me again and then he began to urinate into a urinal beside me. He started looking at my penis several times. All this freaked me out, and I quickly pulled up my trousers and ran out of the toilet.

I shrugged the story off as nothing more than an encounter with a pervert. But then I began to worry whether when he shoved me, he had in fact, raped me by pushing his penis into my butt as it was exposed to him (I was not wearing any underwear). I remember my butt ached straight after the incident, and I was bleeding too from my anus. Now, a couple of weeks later, I have a very high fever and my body aches all over. I am worried that this big strange-looking man has given me an STD and more worryingly, HIV. I do not know what the mechanics of anal rape/sex is, and I am not sure whether I was raped or not. In such an uncertain situation, what should I do, doctor? I am supposed to get married next month, but I do not want to infect my fiancé because of this incident.

Please share your words of wisdom with me. You can even be brutal with me I can take it as long as I know what my risk is from such a situation, and whether I need to do a HIV test. Please help, doctor.

Thank You! Imran

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Imran,

OK, I won't laugh at your post, but I can't vouch for others reading your questions and immediately chortling or shaking their heads in amused amazement.

No, you were not anally raped and your HIV fears are completely irrational. You don't need HIV testing, but you may well need psychotherapy (counseling). Guys with completely irrational fears of being anally raped often have sexual orientation issues that should be explored with a mental health professional. This should be done well before you even consider getting married. See below for a small sample of what can be found in the archives.

Dr. Bob

Time to leave the world behind (FEARS OF BEING ANALLY RAPED, 2010) (VISIONS AND FEARS OF BEING SEXUALLY ASSAULTED WHILE SLEEPING, 2010) Oct 20, 2010 Doctor,

I have been having weird bowel movements and also blood when I have wipe my backside after I poop. I am also having a terrible flu, severe sore throat and muscle aches on my thighs, knees, shoulders, armpits and neck. My face also feels swollen. Red pimples seem to be appearing all over my body. I feel so very fatigued. I am getting night sweats too. I fear that I might have been raped in an anal fashion (being a man) because I left the front of my house door open. The more I think about it, the more it seems to make sense because I am having terrible rectal pain and quite a high fever. How could this have happen to me? Why me? I never did anything to anyone why do I feel I have been raped? I am now thinking of ways to end my life because I dont have the strength and willpower like many other HIV survivors including yourself are able to garner. I am a weak-willed person and if I have HIV, I will have to simply say goodbye to the world. I am only 24. Thanks for giving me an avenue like this Forum to hear me out.


Response from Dr. Frascino


"Raped in an anal fashion"??? Hmm. And you've come to this conclusion because you left your front door open and now your butt hurts and you're having weird poop? WOWZA. Dude, when you wake up with a headache do you assume aliens flew in through your bedroom window and hit you in the noggin with their ray guns?

You have two problems. Both warrant medical attention and neither is HIV related nor does either involve being anally raped.

1. Rectal pain and fever. There are a number of medical conditions that could cause these symptoms. You should see your general medical doctor for an evaluation and treatment.

2. Irrational fear and suicidal ideation. For this you need to see a psychiatrist. Your fears are completely unwarranted and totally irrational. The psychiatrist will help you confront and conquer these unwarranted worries.

It might be helpful for you to know that you are not alone in these paranoid fantasies. See below for a sample of what can be found in the archives of this forum.

Dr. Bob

dead of night, what should I do? (VISIONS AND FEARS OF BEING SEXUALLY ASSAULTED WHILE SLEEPING, 2010) Sep 12, 2010

Hi Dr Bob

Hope you are enjoying your vacations in the UK. I hope you do love Scotland, the place where I reside as a student at Edinburgh University. When you have some free time, please help me with a certain incident that is causing me to worry non-stop for the past couple of weeks. You are such a caring person whose words are filled with warmth and comfort and may I add, with gentle humor too. The story below might sound ridiculous and I do not mind if you poke fun at it so long as you reply to me in your usual candor and frankness.

I live alone on the 2nd floor of a student dormitory. I had an unusual episode last week where I thought I was sleep-walking out of my dormitory, and was anally-raped in the dead of night. It felt as if I sleep-walked out of my room by unlocking it, was anally-raped outside somewhere without being able to stop it, and then returned back to my room, locked it, and got back onto my bed to continue my sleep. When I woke up, I had semen and stool stains in my boxer-shorts and I have pain and discomfort in my anal area. I fear that I might now have HIV/Hepatitis/Syphilis because of this anal rape incident. I am worrying so very much that my life has literally come to a standstill. My parents told me that I used to sleep-walk in the past which has caused me to worry even further. Please help me with some queries below, if possible.

1. If indeed I was sleep-walking, would I be woken up by someone who was raping me?

2. Could this just be a terrible wet dream where the semen and stool stains on my boxer-shorts were actually mine, and nothing actually happened?

3. Is HIV/STD testing medically recommended for such an episode?

4. Or are my fears irrational and unwarranted, and that I should move on in life and perhaps see a shrink because of these fears I have?

I have donated $20 to your charity. Hope that is okay. Enjoy your travels, and when you can, please consider replying to my concerns. I await with great anticipation.


Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Sammy,

Yes, I definitely enjoyed my travels through the British Isles. In Edinburgh I visited historic Trinity College, but not Edinburgh University.

Perhaps surprisingly, I have been asked questions similar to yours several times before in this forum. I repost below several examples of what can be found in the archives. My assessment of your situation is identical to the others who had similar concerns. See below.

Responding to your specific questions:

1. If indeed you were sleepwalking, would you be awakened by someone anally raping you??? Sammy, no matter how sound of a sleeper (or sleepwalker) you may be, I'm absolutely certain you would't sleep through that!

2. That is a much more logical assumption!

3. Nope!

4. Yep! I think a shrink is an excellent idea.

Thanks for your support of The Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation ( It's warmly appreciated.

Be well.

Dr. Bob

Student Riddled with HIV Anxiety: Should I go for a HIV Test? (VISIONS AND FEARS OF BEING SEXUALLY ASSAULTED WHILE SLEEPING, 2010) May 16, 2010

Respected Dr Bob

You are God's gift to us who are riddled with HIV anxiety, and wish to have a peace of mind. I am yet another such person who desperately need your valuable advice.

For the past 6 weeks, I have had 'visions' of being sexually assaulted while sleeping naked because twice I had stupidly left my front door open. My room overlooks a busy street. 2 weeks ago, I think I have developed symptoms similar to those early HIV symptoms. My face is filled with white flakes all over together with a sudden outburst of large pimples. My skin is extremely dry. Both my armpits, my groins, and the sides of my neck below my chin ache terribly. I have had a terrible sore throat, and my body aches all over. I have a sore neck as well. I also have scattered red rashes on my front chest and back. My body is very warm and my chest feels like it is burning. I do not know what to do right now. I have never done any HIV test as I have never been sexually active except from kissing my girlfriend. I do not know whether I should take a test now because of my symptoms, and also because I could have had a risky exposure on two occasions in the past 6 weeks. Dr, please help this desperate 22-year old student. What should I do? Should I do a confidential HIV test or see my school counsellor?

Thank you soooo very muchhhh!


Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Student Riddled with HIV Anxiety,

It's important to realize that having "visions of being sexually assaulted while sleeping naked" and actually being sexually assaulted while sleeping naked are two very different things! HIV testing is not warranted; however, counseling (psychotherapy) definitely is!

You are not alone in having such fantasies; see below for another example.

Dr. Bob

In The Middle of the Night Jan 30, 2010

Dear Dr Bob

I need your advice. I am a heterosexual male, and I live alone. A couple of weeks back, my house was broken into in the middle of the night through a window that was smashed. This was a window in the room that I was sleeping in. I was under very drowsy medication and so I was in very deep sleep. It appeared what was a dream in which this burglar had sexually assaulted me (anal sex specifically as I was naked on the bed). I woke up thereafter, and heard a loud bang on the front door. I ran to the front door but the burglar had escaped. Funnily, nothing was stolen. I thought what appeared to be a sexually-assaulted episode to be just irrational fear so I let it go. But now I am running a high fever, feeling dizzy, having large red rashes on my buttocks, a bad sore throat, moth ulcers, and swollen lymph nodes. My irrational fears are getting the better of me to the point that I am convinced that the sexual assault actually did happen and I now have STDs especially HIV and Syphilis. I need your advice on what I should do. Should I go for STD/HIV testing? Or should I see a psychiatrist? Or should I just let it go? I am in constant worry now so will be very grateful for your reply. Separately, I am happy to make a modest donation to your foundation.

Thank You LostBoy

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Lost Boy,

You are a heterosexual male and you think someone smashed the window in your bedroom and you didn't notice because you were "under very drowsy medication," and the burglar sexually assaulted you by having anal sex with you, because you were "naked on the bed." You woke up when you heard the bang of the front door, ran to it, but the horned-up burglar had escaped. Do I have that right? And "funnily, nothing was stolen." And now you think you have HIV and syphilis. Oh my! You're wondering if you should get HIV/AIDS tested or see a shrink? Definitely see a shrink! Lost Boy, you have issues bigger than the September issue of Vogue! I can assure you STD/HIV is not your problem. No way. No how. But you do have a problem! Show this post to your psychiatrist on your first visit. It will help him focus your treatment and speed your voyage of self discovery. Thanks for your donation to The Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation ( It's warmly appreciated.

Good luck. Be well!

Dr. Bob

Waiting for confirmatory results
BiSexual, extasy, 3 months...oh my

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