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telling people
Dec 22, 2010

my fiance and i have been together for 2 years. a year ago he tested positive but i am negative. it has been rough but we have been open and supportive to each other. we recently became engaged and are very happy. he is very healthy and positive about the future. we live overseas but my parents have met him and love him. He has not told anyone but i am having real issues with not telling my parents. I know they will be disappointed and worried for my own health and happiness and part of me thinks it is a private issue that does not need to be shared with them. However, i feel like by not telling them i am somehow deceiving them. Could you please give me some advise or suggest somewhere i can go for advice. I feel desperately confused and see more sadness ahead.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

Disclosure is never an easy issue for HIVers (or magnetic couples). Since your partner is the positively charged member of your magnetic coupling, you need to have this discussion with him. You'll need to find common ground on respecting each other's opinion and wishes regarding whether to disclose and to whom. Because you are a couple, this should not be a unilateral decision. I agree your parents will most likely not take the news well. It's also important to realize this relationship is between you and your Mr. Happily Ever After, not your parents.

I would suggest you and your fiance read through the chapters in the archives of this forum dedicated to HIV disclosure and magnetic couples. I've also written several blogs discussing disclosure-related issues recently. They can be found on The Body's homepage.

Good luck with this difficult decision. There is no one right answer as everyone's situation is unique.

Dr. Bob



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