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Strayed once last week and living with fear - you're right
Dec 4, 2010

Hello Doctor,

Thanks for your reply. You're right that I just didn't have a wash and rinse activity. She gave me a handjob and massage. I read on other posts that handjob would not be a risk. Based on all the activities that happened that night I'm living with fear of the following:

1. During shower she touched her vagina with warm water and soap and then she touched my penis immediately with the same hands in the shower. This was before the massgae and the handjob. Is this a risk as she may have vaginal fluids on her hands?

2. She gave me a back massage which was very rough. After the massage the next day I saw dark red spots on my back, but I'm pretty sure there was no blood. Is this a risk assuming she had a cut on her hands?

After that night it seems my world has fallen apart. I'm not able to concentrate at work and living with fear of losing my wife and job. Getting more depressed as each day passes.

By answering these questions you are doing an amazing job and god will bless you with all happiness in this world.

Thanks R

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi R,

Glad to hear you at least got your money's worth!

Regarding your current questions:

1. No.

2. No.

My assessment and advice remain unchanged (see below). In addition you should consult your physician or a mental health professional to help you cope with your anxiety, guilt and depression. Medication and/or counseling can be very beneficial.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

Strayed once last week and living with fear Dec 3, 2010

Dear Doctor,

I'm a happily married man and I made a huge mistake as I strayed once last week as my wife was overseas. I went to a sex worker and she washed my Penis with warm water and soap, which was ok. She then washed herself with warm water and soap and then washed my Penis again with warm water only. Now I'm really worried if she's HIV+, could she have transmitted the virus this way. Your quick response will be much appreciated. My wife is back tomorrow and I'm in fear whether to tell her or not and if HIV testing is required. I could not find a related answer anywhere on the forum.

I'll make a 100$ donation right now.

Thanks heaps!

Regards R

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello R,

The HIV-acquisition risk from the wash-and-rinse activities described in your post would be nonexistent. But is that all that happened? It seems odd you would hire a sex worker for just this activity, but if that's all that happened, the only thing you have to be concerned about is not getting your money's worth!

Regarding your wife, I always recommend honesty. Even if there is no HIV risk, you are already "living in fear" and this stems primarily from guilt. Leveling with your wife is not only the best way to confront your guilt and anxiety over your lapse in judgment; it's also the right thing to do. If she's worried, you could always use latex condoms with her for the next three months and then get a definitive HIV-antibody test. The result will undoubtedly be negative, but if going through this exercise decreases anxiety and fear, it may well be worth the time and energy involved.

Thank you for your generous tax-deductible gift to The Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation (www.concertedeffort.org). It's warmly appreciated. In return I'm sending you my good-luck karma that you are now and will always be HIV free.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob



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