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Huge Mistake, and now Worried Extremely Well

Dec 4, 2010

Hi Dr. Bob, I've spent the past 11 weeks reading your replies to posts on the forum (along with many more of the internets offerings on the subject of HIV). Your information and positive spirit is by far superior! I have nothing but respect and esteem for you! I am compelled to write to you about a major mistake I made in my life almost three months ago. After working out of town for a long period of time, and being away from my wife, I had a moment of indiscretion. After getting drunk one night and flirting with a girl I did not know, we ended up sleeping together. The sex began with a condom, but slipped off and it took me quite some time to gather my senses and stop the event (total exposure was probably 4-5 mins). Needless to say, my anxieties, horror and guilt were in full force by the next morning. I have had some mild symptoms on and off (pelvic pain, lack of appetite, fatigue, etc.) which I won't go into great detail about as I know how unreliable they may be (as well as attributable to stress and anxiety). I've had testing for all more common STD's except for hepatitis b (all came back neg.), and now at the three month mark I am going in for my HIV ELISA. I realize the incredible stupidity of my act, and have spent the last three months literally in hell over everything, fearing the worst. I havent had sex of any kind with my wife since, due to the anxieties and my fear isn't as much for my own health as the pain I may have caused my wife and family. I wish I could erase the past, but it is time to man up and deal with any further consequences. I would love some of your good Karma, if you're willing to send it to this idiot-of-a-guy who made the biggest mistake of his life. In the meantime, i'm making a donation to your foundation regardless of whether or not I hear back from you. I just wanted to reach out to the most full-hearted, compassionate member of the HIV community on the web! You're an inspiration as a human-being and I wish you the best and healthiest life possible!

Sincerely, Mr. Idiot Face

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi Mr. Face,

Thanks for your kind comments and good wishes!

Regarding your "indiscretion," unprotected sex does place you at some degree of risk for STDs, including HIV. Consequently it's very good news that your STD screen has been negative so far. I'm also pleased to see you are manning up to get your definitive three-month HIV test. I'd be delighted to send you my good-luck/good-health karma that not only will your HIV test be negative, but also that you are now and will forever be HIV free!

Don't beat yourself up too much regarding your lapse in judgment. We are all only human, which means we all make mistakes, even yours truly! The important thing is to admit our mistakes, accept the consequences of our actions and learn from the experience. It seems to me you have done all three.

Thank you for your tax-deductible donation to The Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation ( It's warmly appreciated during this holiday season.

Good luck. Be well. Write back and hopefully we can WOO-HOO together with your good news! Statistically the odds are all in your favor!

Dr. Bob

unprotected oral exposure
Strayed once last week and living with fear - you're right

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