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Poz to Neg unprotected sex
Oct 25, 2010

I had unprotected sex with my BF back in April, I have been poz for 3 years now and I told him I was poz verbally and he is a top I am a bottom. He was tested and is still today neg but since then have broken up. He is now saying I never told him I was poz and now threatening me to turn me into the police, any advice here?

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

Your scenario graphically demonstrates the problems inherent in criminalizing HIV. (Watch for my next blog on this site, as I address this topic in detail.) Since we don't have sex police (at least not yet, but if right-wingers take over Congress, look out!) we have no way of knowing what was said by whom and exactly what took place between the sheets (or in the sling or wherever). Consequently, HIV disclosure or nondisclosure becomes a your-word-against-his fight. However, it's worth noting that in some states (and countries) HIV nondisclosure, even between two adults consenting to do an unsafe dance with no pants and in which HIV transmission did NOT occur, is still illegal and can result in ludicrous jail terms.

My advice is that you continue to tell the truth: That you verbally disclosed your status (as there is no proof one way or the other). I also advise picking less vindictive boyfriends in the future. Finally, you do have a responsibility to prevent future transmission of the virus. So even if a clueless top gun future ex-boyfriend wants to play Brokeback Mountain buddies and have unsafe sex, you must still insist latex condoms be used.

Dr. Bob



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