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Starting to worry...

Oct 20, 2010

Hello Doc! Deep down I know I'm being completely irrational but I guess I just wanted to get your take on it. I've been seeing a neighbor on and off for the past two years now and we actually play very safe. He's older and I'm younger, we live out that older daddy/boy-next-door fantasy. Anyway, we only did anal penetration once (I was the receptive partner, protected and very quick as he didn't ejaculate). Orally, he always does the sucking and he swallowed my cum once. I can't get myself to suck just yet so I've never orally pleasured him. Most of the time its mutual masturbation, frottage and deep kissing. We've probably only had a total of six encounters. He lives with his uber-conservative brother and he travels for work on cruise ships (which he admits to having various sexual encounters).

Anyway, a few nights ago we had an encounter (he sucked me with no ejaculation in mouth, mutual masturbation with ejaculation, deep kissing and frottage, no anal). Afterwards he tells me that he just got diagnosed HIV+. I have to admit I was shocked, but I think I handled it well. He said that he didn't put me at risk ever (which makes sense I guess, since we've been very safe) and when I spoke to my doctor, he didn't feel this particular situation warranted an HIV test or PEP, but did suggest I do an STD test right away. He did say that I should take the HIV test three months from now to calm my fears and since I'm a sexual active, bisexual man in my late 20's, it's always a good idea to do so, but STI/STD test stat, the doctor ordered.

I'm worrying like crazy now because he revealed his HIV status to me, which in all reality makes no sense as to why I'm reacting this way. My past sexual encounters have been mostly getting sucked (receptive oral?), insertive vaginal, receptive anal (protected ALL the time) and mutual masturbation. I guess I just need to hear from others as well, to assure myself that it's all okay.

I will take an HIV test at the 3 month mark, as it's been over two years since my last HIV test, and will take an STD test soon.

Sorry for being so irrational, but I was surprised at my response as well, and didn't know where to go or who to talk to. I will definitely donate to your foundation because you're pretty awesome. Thanks for your reply in advance.

Response from Dr. Frascino


If next-door daddy had not disclosed his HIV-positive status to you, would your risk be any different? No, of course not. Consequently I agree with your assessment: "I'm worrying like crazy now because he revealed his HIV status to me, which in all reality makes no sense as to why I'm reacting this way." OK, maybe not the most literate of sentences, but I agree with your drift.

You report your sexual encounters include insertive oral, mutual masturbation, protected insertive vaginal and protected receptive anal sex. Consequently your HIV-acquisition risk is very low. I agree with the plan for a STD screen now and HIV-antibody test in three months.

Thanks for your donation to The Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation ( It's warmly appreciated. In return I'm sending you my good-luck karma that your definitive HIV test will be negative.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob

Need a test?
6 months after exposure and PEP Treatment

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