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Searching peace of mind
Oct 16, 2010

Hello, I've been reading the posts regarding HIV. I've learned a lot on the last weeks. And I also realized how ignorant I am . Regardless of how much I read, I still feel uncomfortable and a bit neurotic. Here is why. I started a relationship with a girl less than 3 months ago. We did have sex but always with protection. No broken condoms because I checked them every time (out of fear that the girl gets pregnant). There was of course fingering and deep kissing. Everything changed a month ago when the girl gave me the "news": She's HIV positive (viral load undetectable). At first I didn't know how to react. I was angry at her but after talking to her I realized how much she suffered. I took a test 7 weeks after the first encounter and it was negative. But I feel the relation has changed a lot. I'm afraid of kissing her (my gums bleed from time to time) and sex is no longer in the menu. Moreover, I have a daugther from a previous marriage. She's teh world to me. But this situation is changing also the way I treat her. I don't let her kiss me to close to the mouth because I'm afraid I got HIV. why? Almost 12 weeks after the first contact (and 6 weeks after the last time) I started to feel pain in my joints (shoulder) and have some pain in the groin and in the armpits. I feel weird and my mind just points to "HIV" every time I feel pain. Today, even my fingers had some pain. I have review all the "encounters" in my mind and cannot find any high-risk exposure. I feel that maybe i am one in a million. I can even imagine the news: "Guy in far east gets HIV kissing/fingering". Instead of asking again about fingering or deep-kissing I would like to hear some comments of my story and maybe some advice as how to keep going my relationship. I don't want to break up just because she is sick. It's like breaking up because we are not the same race (actually we are not).

And Yes... maybe I would like to hear "no.. the risk is minimum".

Thanks in advance.

Far East Warrior

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Far East Warrior,

You are freaking out primarily because your partner disclosed her HIV-positive status. If she didn't disclose or didn't know she was HIV infected, would you be at any less risk? No, of course not. You practiced safer sex. If the condoms were used properly and didn't break, your HIV-acquisition risk would be negligible (kissing and fingering). Your seven-week negative test is extremely encouraging, although not yet definitive.

Will you be the "one in a million"? No, of course not. You'll need to look elsewhere for your fifteen minutes of fame.

I would suggest you and your new partner read through the information in the archives of this forum dedicated to magnetic couples, HIV prevention and HIV transmission. You should find the information both enlightening and reassuring. Magnetic couples can have very successful and sexually satisfying relationships. I speak from personal experience as the positively charged half of a magnetic couple that has been together for 17 years and counting! (You'll read about this in the archives as well.)

Good luck.

Dr. Bob



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