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Handling a baby with skin condtion
Sep 12, 2010

I understand you've probably come across similar questions.

Im not out to my family. Im scheduled to get tested in September. Iv been monogamous with partners and my concern around getting tested..is what "may have happened" after a few drinks and not always remembering all the details.

Ive never been on receiving end of anal sex, and when I have had anal sex..its been with a condom..always.

My dilemma is as follows: Family doesnt know about me. I became an uncle for the first time..beautiful baby girl. I love her so much.

She suffers from baby excema (sp?), and has dry scraped/broken skin, sometimes dry blood over some of some parts of her hands/face where shes been scratching, sometimes puss. Shes 9 months old.

Dr..Im afraid to hold her (cause Im not definite about my status), afraid to kiss her incase she has a scratch (and I may have brushed my teeth moments ago etc)...I recently rubbed (by mistake) a peeled away portion of skin on her hand as I picked her up. It was raw, no blood, but very red. (may have bled earlier on)... I examined my hand for hours afterwords making sure I was cut or had scrapes on my fingers etc.

I was so upset with myself...I dont want to put ANYONE at risk, (let alone the newest member of our family)

I need to get tested. I regret some of my drunkin behaviour (I truly believe I used alcohol to therapy my closetness).

I hope my test comes back negative. Im really afraid, I will seek counseling afterwords for my OCD tendencies.

Ive contiplated celibacy as Im so nervous about the unknown. I want to think and affirm (by getting tested) that my fears are irrational and that one day soon, I can actually be the loving uncle I want to be and hug my niece or actually put ointment/lotion on her itchy skin when she seems like shes suffering from her skin condition. Until then, I guess I will have my guard up - all the time.

sorry for blabbering..I needed to ask my questions and vent. Thank you for reading. Hope you select my circumstances to advise on.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

Your fears are unwarranted and exacerbated by your being in the closet. Harboring irrational fears of HIV/AIDS and not fully understanding the modes of HIV transmission are contributing to your current problem.

My advice is:

1. If you are uncertain about past HIV-acquisition risks, get an HIV test now. You could have a definitive result in as few as 20 minutes with a rapid HIV test.

2. Get psychotherapy and psychological help for your OCD and alcohol abuse.

3. Come out of the closet. Closets are health hazards! Your psychotherapist may well also be able to help with your coming out process.

As for celibacy, that's not a viable option for most normal healthy human beings. The Catholic priests tried it, and we all know how well that worked out.

There are a number of coming out testimonials in the archives you may want to read. I would be happy to add your story to theirs.

Good luck. Remember being honest with yourself and others is never the wrong decision.

Dr. Bob



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