I Really Need You to Answer Me. I Am Pleading With You. (ANOTHER IM POSITIVE IM POSITIVE, 2010)
Aug 8, 2010
Dr., I have written to you several times. The last time, you never responded to (even after numerous requests). Well, after careful assessment of my continual symptoms/feeling (knowing my body), I am certain I have contracted HIV through a damn blowjob. I feel so bad, so ashamed, and scared. I cry every day. Eventually, I am going to have to get it confirmed and tell my wife so that she can decide what to do (leave or stay). I am so ashamed. I cry as I type this. I know for certain that I do not want to live with this disease. I do not want others to know of my shame (cheating on my wife, not being careful, putting my family at risk). It would devastate my family and outrage my wife's family. I do not want to go on meds and suffer facial wasting. I do not want to watch myself deteriorate from 260+ pounds to a skeleton. I want to leave on my own terms, but feel as though I need to be here for my 8- and 4-year old. I eat less than before. By body craves only certain foods, and sweet things I seem to not want to eat anymore. I am so torn because I want to leave on my own terms and not cause my family grief, but I feel compelled to not abandon my children because they love me and will need me in life for guidance and to help mold them. And, I do not want to leave my wife here to take care of this house or the children on her own. I am 37, make great money in a great profession and have thrown it all away. I find it hard to continue knowing something is inside of me. Seeing every pimple, every blemish on my body, it is hard. To have my co-workers, family and friends find out is hard. I have so many questions, but no matter what the answer is, it does not take away from the fact that there is no cure and that I will die. I think my contraction took place on 5/21/2010 (the date of my death sentence). 1) When can I expect to get sick? 2) When will I start to deteriorate physically? 3) How often do people get sick? 4) How long can I live without being sick and looking sick? 5) Can you maintain good health without meds? 6) How do spouses take the news? 7) Should I tell family and friends? 8) Are there alternative treatments that have proved effective? 9) How difficult is it on the person's spouse? 10) What are your thoughts on right-to-die facilities once a person reaches a certain point/stage in the disease?
Response from Dr. Frascino
Here we go again. Another person "certain" he is HIV infected but who has not been tested. Dude, I promise to answer all 10 of your questions if your HIV tests confirm your "certainty". The statistical odds are astronomical your test will be negative. Either way you're a psychological mess at the moment. I would suggest you level with your wife. It's not only the best way to confront your guilt; it's also the right thing to do.
I'll be awaiting your test results. (I have a WOO-HOO waiting for you.) I'll post this question in the chapter "I'm Positive I'm Positive." It's filled with guys just like you who, by the way, all turned out to be HIV negative! Check it out!
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