hiv status frustrating and sad
Aug 8, 2010
A number (3) of my sexual partners have come back to me and claimed to have been infected with HIV after we had sex. I have recurrent fungal infections in my upper thighs, which I was always told was jock itch, and some thrush on my tongue that has been made worse by smoking. When I was in fourth, fifth, and sixth grade I was hospitalized for the flu illness and pneumonia. In fourth grade, I was diagnosed with PCP pneumonia and tested for HIV, but the test showed I was negative. In my childhood, I was aware of someone else coming out in me at times. Some things I would notice had been done around my house that could not have been done by anyone but me and I could not recall it happening. My mother has always been very abusive to the point I'm convinced of some brainwashing. In my conscious life I have never had any deep relationships with the opposite sex. In college, in the first week of freshman year, a young woman invited me back to her room for the night. I can't recall entering her room. I remember an incoherant rant i had with her door and retiring to my room. I avoided her for days and it came to my attention that she had developed a rash and went to the medical center where she tested positive for HIV. I flashed back to a similiar experience I had with an upperclassmen in middle school. She supposedly had caught it from me under similiar circumstances. I have been tested for HIV and other STDs twice a year since I was 17 and have always tested HIV negative. I have wondered about the human power to cheat something like the test despite the overwhelming evidence that this belief is crazy. Something else, on a mental health note: My eyes decieved me when I looked on the freshman woman, along with at least one of her friends. I can't see them as they are in their natural appearance. Something that goes back to living a partially blackedout life. These girls are out of state. I was punished when I was young for lengthy out of state calls. I remember being shocked to see them at local beaches, racetracks, and fairs willing to offer their love which I always rejected. To the point, I don't know other than I could have run away with and/or been kidnapped by an HIV positive male adult when I was a toddler from my grandparents farm on a dirt road, and travelled as far north as CT where I met four or five girls of the same age and suffered something traumatic that continued until I could no longer function
Response from Dr. Frascino
Earth to questioner, earth to questioner. Come in questioner! Thanks for sharing. Now do you have a question???
Dude, you need to turn off the computer and call your shrink. If you don't have a psychiatrist, you need to find one and consult with him without delay. You have issues bigger than the September edition of Vogue magazine.
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