afraid i'll never trust again - i.e. no more toe-curling kinda sex

Jul 28, 2010

I'm a gay man in what I thought was a monogamous 9 year relationship. My partner was diagnosed with HIV in February after cheating on me with multiple partners (25 that he's admitted too).Thankfully, I have just tested negetive after 6 months since my last exposure to him. He claims that he only practiced safe sex when bottoming with others but allowed other strangers to cum in his mouth (he says he read somewhere that the enzymes in the mouth kill HIV, so he thought this was ok). Is he telling me the truth? I've discovered he was also participating in bareback cybersex chat rooms so I know that was a fantasy of his and fear that he actually barebacked for real. Is it statistically possible to contract HIV through unprotected oral sex and protected anal sex. What are the odds? I'm afraid to trust him that he'll not go off and do this again and get co-infected thus increasing my risk of contraction. He's getting help for his sexual addiction, but unfortunately unlike drug or alcohol addict (which is pretty apparent), I'll probably never know if he relapses (he cheated on me for 18 months without me having the faintest idea). Any info you could provide to help ease my mind would be so appreciated. Thanks

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello,

Sorry to learn that your partner has been deceiving you. I have absolutely no way of determining if he is telling the truth or not regarding his sexual exploits.

The HIV-acquisition risk for oral sex is very low, but not completely nonexistent. Protected sex is indeed protected, assuming the latex condoms were used properly and did not break.

As far as next steps, you definitely have trust issues with your positively charged partner. I'd suggest couples counseling to see if that trust can be rebuilt.

Good luck.

Dr. Bob