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Needing peace;everyone does
May 18, 2010

I realize that the question is incessant. I have a unique situation. About 5 years ago and about 14 years of marriage, I found out that my spouse was a cross dresser. I later found that he was disingenuous with his sexual status. He is tested and has been every6 months. I was in a long term relationship with a man and recently became single. I started dating a man and had an incident of the pull out method. Bad choice considering my prior circumstance. He did have pre-cum. I am sure this is as dangerous as full exposure. 3 weeks after sex, I have developed a sore throat and head ache..."flu like symptoms". I have read the symptoms and timing and I am quite frightened. When confronted he also admitted to some latent homosexual experiences where he was a receiver. I am petrified of course. I notice you dont often directly say, Why yes this is a red flag for early signs of hiv exposure." I notice my question a lot but have yet read where you have confirmed that these early symptoms are a red flag. Yes the unprotected sex is a red flag, and I am getting tested. It has only been about 3 weeks so I do not believe it is long enough to test accurately. The fear provokes me to get tested right away, but I dont think I can handle the humiliation of testing 2 times. Although unethical, the office in which I would be tested is small but mouths in this small southern European town run as much as the oil in the gulf right now. It will get back so my exposure to getting the test will remain minimal and tactical. Are the symptoms "red flags"? And Pre-cum, is this as dangerous as regular seminal fluid? I am sure they are and I am sure they are equal conduits for transmission, but I need to verify. -Sleepless in Southern France

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

"Symptoms" are notoriously unreliable in predicting who is and is not HIV infected. Consequently they make very poor "red flags." The only reason to worry or get tested is HIV-exposure risk. So "unprotected sex" is indeed a red flag and warrants HIV/STD testing.

Pre-cum can transmit HIV. However, the HIV concentration in pre-cum is generally less than that of ejaculate and the quantity of pre-cum is also less than that of a full ejaculation. Consequently pre-cum is not as likely to transmit HIV as a full ejaculation.

Regarding testing, I would suggest you wait until the 3 month mark, as HIV antibody tests taken prior to the 3 month mark are not considered to be conclusive.

Finally I must comment about your choice in men. Your hubby was a disingenuous cross-dresser and your recent bedmate has "latent homosexual experiences?" Who are you, Liza Minnelli???

Dr. Bob



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