|re: don't be scared
Feb 3, 2010
"I just want all your followers to know, don't be scared to ask your partner to get tested. It will not offend them, it may just flatter them. Knowing that you really care about being safe. Even if you use a condom everytime, it is nice to know you are both healthy."
Amen! Bravo! To this point... Upon broaching this subject, I have had three women tell me that there is no need to test, they know they're positive. A fourth woman simply (I should say, "adamantly") refused to be tested. I am still very close friends with two of the three, more than casual acquaintainces with the third, and of the fourth... I do hope she's healthy and happy, but have no way of knowing. I've turned the page.
It pleases me to no end to know that there is still at least one other responsible heterosexual guy in today's world. Two of those three honest women were infected by their former husbands. The third was a medical exposure, as I suspect the fourth (untested - therefore I'll say "suspected") exposure to be. It's almost painful to add that it was never me that opened the subject of unsafe sex. To forgive is divine, to forget is bovine. I'm just reponding in salutation of a fellow hetero's choosing to be responsible for himself and his woman, despite HIV still being (erroneously) seen as a "gay disease." Hurah!
| Response from Dr. Frascino
Many thanks for your comments! I should also point out that even if a potential bedmate insists he/she is HIV negative, I would still always, always, always recommend using condoms for penetrative sex. There are two main reasons for this recommendation:
1. A person is only as negative as their last negative test. So if she tested negative two weeks ago, but had unsafe sex with the Pizza delivery boy last week, she may now be positively charged!
2. One fifth of the over-one million HIV-positive Americans have absolutely no idea they are infected with the virus! They would advise a potential bedmate that they are "not infected," because they just assume they have no reason to believe they are infected.
So "Amen! Bravo!" yes, but don't let your guard down even when partners disclose their status.
Don't be scared to ask her to get tested Jan 30, 2010
Hello Dr. Robert.
In the past I have asked you questions and you were kind enough to answer one of them, putting my fears to rest. This is not so much a question but rather something I wanted to tell you and your followers.
Like most people here I am extremely scared... bordering on phobic of having sex for the simple reason that I will acquire HIV. Even with a condom it still scared me. I recently met a very nice girl and we are dating. I told her my fears and that with time I will overcome. After a few weeks of dating she wanted sex. Of course being phobic of disease, I told her I needed to wait until I was comfortable. She asked what she could do to help. Finally after about a month I worked up the courage to ask her to get tested. I had tested months before (negative across the board) and had not had any sexual activity since.
At first I thought she might be offended. I wondered how she would react to the request. She told me no other boyfriend had asked that of her. She paused then said, she would be glad to. She got tested, negative across the board as well.
That night we had sex. I just want all your followers to know, don't be scared to ask your partner to get tested. It will not offend them, it may just flatter them. Knowing that you really care about being safe. Even if you use a condom everytime, it is nice to know you are both healthy.
Thanks for all your insight Robert, we all appreciate it.
Response from Dr. Frascino
Thanks for your comment.
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