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young magnetic couple? concerns?

Jan 6, 2010

our first date, he was punched in the face as we were returning home in a bad neighborhood. a lot of his blood, down my hands and into a couple of small cuticle cuts / chapped skin. the next day I find out he is HIV+ though after speaking to several doctors decided not to go on PEP [although they did write me a prescription for Atripla] as they said my risk was low especially since his viral load is undetectable. we have since started dating. I like him a lot. we have slept together twice, both times using great caution with condoms, he was also the bottom partner. I would like to continue dating him and hope to have as close to a normal relationship as possible, good safe sex too. just how risky is oral sex? he has a lot of pre cum which I believe I did get a small amount in my mouth. is this a risk? i haven't been in contact with any of his actual cum. we also kiss a lot and quite passionately, is this a risk? I will speak with his doctor later on in the month but just wanted to clear up these concerns as they have been bothering me especially since I have just this evening developed some flu like symptoms, although I keep reminding myself it is winter. also I pay for my own insurance that does not include prescription drugs and plan on changing this to give me access to PEP if needed. I have read about insurance companies dropping their patients for going on PEP, is this a concern? he is the first friend that I know of who is HIV+. both being in our early 20s I feel it is something that is overlooked in sex ed classes / in fact most of my friends don't even seem to think about it. I like this guy a lot, I don't think it's crazy that I want to be with him, right?

Response from Dr. Frascino


That sounds like a dramatic first date!

As for oral sex, it's considered to have a low risk for HIV transmission/acquisition. Take a read through the chapter devoted to oral sex in the archives of this forum for a more detailed discussion.

Kissing is not considered an HIV risk.

Regarding insurance companies dropping clients for going on PEP, this is unconscionable and immoral in my opinion. It's also another reason we need health reform legislation now. We need young folks like you to get involved politically and help push for health care reform. Vote against all Republicans (none support health care reform) and those Democrats who try to water down or defeat health care legislation. I'm sure there is a special place in hell for insurance adjustors who make these types of heartless decisions.

That HIV is "overlooked in sex ed classes" is exactly why "most of (your) friends don't even seem to think about it." Of the 56,300 new HIV infections that will occur this year in the U.S., the majority will be in young adults just like you and your uninformed friends. Worldwide there are 34,000,000 people like me living with HIV. There are 2,700,000 new infections every year. Today 15,500 San Franciscans are HIV infected. The Obama administration is returning science-based, age-appropriate sex education to our schools, but it will take a number of years to undo the damage that the Bushies inflicted with their misguided "abstinence-only sex education" mandates and other policies. You, your positively charged Mr. Right and your friends can help us spread the word to those who don't know the facts about HIV/AIDS. I urge you to get involved in whatever way you can.

As for thinking you are crazy for wanting to be with someone you really like who happens to be virally enhanced, no, not at all. In fact, I, too, am part of a magnetic relationship (one poz, one neggie). Take a read through the chapter on magnetic couples in the archives of this forum. There you'll find out more about my situation and the concerns of other magnetic couples. From personal experience, I can assure you "happily every after" is indeed attainable for mixed-serostatus couples. I'm living it.

Good luck to you both.

Dr. Bob

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