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Accidental Unprotected Sex With Pos BF Can i please have an answer????

Dec 28, 2009

I have recently become involved with an HIV positive man, and i am trying to be open minded we went a long time without having sex, i met his doctor and his caseworker. I had in depth conversations with them but recently it has nagged me that I may have accidentally been exposed in the heat of the moment.Even though his doctors have told "BOTH" of us constantly that the risk for exposure is very low if there was an instance of exposure because he has had it for about 2 going on 3 years, the meds he is on have been exceedingly wonderful and his immune system is very strong his records showed he was carrying three strands then the next showed only two strands i think they called it a viral load when he first contracted it he had like 1500 strands then dropped drastically after being medicated not sure if it has to do with how promptly he started the meds because he opted to start the meds before they were actually necessary. He has been undetectable after the first 6 months of exposure so far for 2 and a half years. We are committed to our safety, sanity, and well being i have an alarm clock for his one pill and his family has alarms too and himself to take his pill, regular doctors appointments although i cant get the nurses to stop flirting with him, do they have a pill for that:). Anyhow his doctors said even though there is a risk it is never possible to be risk free, but in short they said they would be more worried about me getting pregnant before contracting the disease, i want to avoid that too LOL. However, before he contracted HIV he never used condoms because he had been with the same person for a about 5-7 year. Well recently i went on a search because i really find myself becoming attached to him. So we tried condoms and could not proceed because his penis seems to be afraid of them literally, it just hides so to speak lol, i try to keep my life humourous. Long story short, I went on a search for an alternative for my own protection and for his peace of mind because he really is afraid of passing it to me hence why "we" had not had sex. So what has happened we are so happy with our recent finding of Female Condoms and i recommend them to all my female friends because there is no excuse. However, when we first started using them because i have never used them and he hasn't we read the instructions together (u can imagine how that went with the pictures and such:)) and we went for it...and WOOOOOOOOOWSSA relief on both ends, but there have been occasions that afterwards we find it has slipped in because i have not been overly active in my sex life so my walls are like suction cups. He feels a little overwhelmed because even though he never lets himself ejaculate, he is deathly afraid of releasing on the inside of me even though we use the condoms, it still bothers him that there has been contact, and in some ways it bothers me to but i try not to make life more complicated than it needs to be. So my question in regards to my situation is even though we have had some MALfuntions with the FC condom, what are the chances of me contracting HIV from him if he has not ejaculated and it appears there is no precum i have seen a leaky penis and he says he has never had a problem with precum. To ease my conscious and his we would really love to hear a reply from one of you please. My brother died from AIDS when i was 11yrs old and i have been running from it since avoiding it, trying not to come into contact with it by not having unprotected sex and multiple partners, and now here i am in a rut between my heart and the safety of my life I dont want to be the barrier that keeps him from experiencing love as is for myself, he's still a normal man as such he should be treated and cared for as one he's having trouble coming to terms with the fact that it is possible for someone to STILL love heard what i said when it (sex) finally happened WHOOOOOAAAA..i dont want that whoa to turn into a "i was an idiot and now i'm positive and paying for it" and i'm sure if my brother was still alive he wouldn't want me to look at it that way. Thank you for your time and thank you for the response if i receive one this is my second time asking please answer? :)

Response from Dr. Frascino


I'm delighted to hear you and your positively charged Mr. Happily-Ever-After are "committed to safety, sanity and well being . . . ." Magnetic couples (one poz, one neggie) often have similar concerns to yours. I'd suggest you and your virally enhanced Mr. Right read through the chapter in the archives of this forum devoted to magnetic couples, as these various concerns are discussed in detail there.

As for Mr. Happy being afraid of his raincoat, this, too, is common and often can be overcome with a bit of practice. There are a wide range of condom fits and styles as well as two different materials (latex and polyurethane) from which to choose that provide effective barriers against HIV. I'd suggest trying several and use them during sexual play with your boyfriend without worrying about actual insertion or lovemaking. Just practice putting them on while he's aroused. He should also use them for masturbation (with and without your "help"). Chances are his tallywhacker will become increasingly less fearful while suiting up for action!

Female condoms are indeed a good alternative, but somewhat more difficult to use.

Regarding your risk from possible female condom malfunctions, I agree with the information provided by your boyfriend's doctor and caseworker: the HIV-transmission risk would be extremely low.

Lastly, I would recommend you and your boyfriend consider some harm-reduction strategies for magnetic couples. (See below.)

My Mr. Heaven-On-A-Stick and I are also a magnetic couple and we've been together over 16 years. Our relationship continues to be loving and oh-so-satisfying, both in and out of bed. Happily Ever After does indeed exist for magnetic couples, because we've found it.

Good luck. Happy Holidays.

Dr. Bob


I am an hiv neg. female, my boyfriend has been hiv pos. for 20 years.and his viral load has always been undetectable.3 nights ago,after sex, we realized the condom had come off and was still inside me,it took some digging, but he got it out.and it was evident that he had come inside me.. afterwards, i started spotting, and started my period the next day. wich has me concerned.i get tested every 4 to 6 months, and had just been tested a week before..i am not going to get all stressed out about it,i know nothing is ever 100% safe,and it can only make things harder. but, the fact that i was bleeding a little has me worried.. how likely is it i've been infected ?, and how long should i wait to get tested again?.this is the first, and hopefuly the last accident we have had.!!

Response from Dr. Frascino


Condom failure does place you at some degree of risk for HIV. That your positive boyfriend has an undetectable HIV plasma viral load would significantly decrease the risk of HIV transmission. However, your spotting may increase the HIV-transmission risk. In situations where there has been a significant HIV exposure, post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP) would be warranted if it can be started soon and no later than 72 hours after the exposure. Your exposure was three nights ago; consequently, this is no longer an option for you. But I would encourage you and your boyfriend to review the information about harm-reduction strategies for magnetic couples in the archives of this forum. We have an entire chapter devoted to magnetic couples. I'll reprint below a sample of what can be found there. At this point we would recommend you have an HIV-antibody test at the three- and six-month marks. The six-month test is recommended by the CDC because you had a significant HIV exposure from a partner confirmed to be HIV positive.

Good luck. I agree getting all stressed out won't help!

Dr. Bob

Undetectable Viral Load in Semen MAGNETIC COUPLE SEXUAL RISK 2009) May 26, 2009

A "big G'day" from Australia to you, Doctor Bob!

I am an HIV positive male involved in a relationship with an HIV negative female.

I have been on Atripla (or the Aussie equivalent) for a year now, and for 10 of those months been undetectable.

My girlfriend and I always practice safe sex - I wouldn't put her at risk for anything!

However, during sex last night, the condom broke. We were unaware that it broke and probably had vaginal intercourse for about 15 minutes before realising it had snapped.

I did not ejaculate inside her, but (obviously), can't tell you how much pre-cum would have "leaked" during this 10 minute period.

What are the chances she would have contracted HIV from me?

We are both frantically worried about it and it is putting a strain on our (otherwise wonderful) relationship.

I have read that a recent Swiss study found that a consistent undetectable viral load in the blood correlated with the semen, but I have read other reports that say this might now be the case.

I am hoping that being undetectable and not cumming inside her stacks the odds well and truly in her favour. What would be the chances of her contracting something from this one-off incident?

Thanks if you can shed any light on the matter, and good luck to you and your partner in your own magnetic relationship - opposites attract!!

All the best, Oz Boy. xx

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello Boy from Oz,

Here's what we know:

1. The HIV plasma viral load usually, but not always, correlates with the HIV viral load in semen (or cervical secretions).

2. Having an undetectable HIV plasma viral load significantly decreases the chances of HIV transmission.

3. Not ejaculating in the love canal significantly decreases the chance of HIV transmission.

4. PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis) taken as soon as possible and no later than 72 hours after an exposure can decrease the chance of HIV transmission. (You can read much more about PEP in the archives.)

To specifically answer your question, the odds are very much in your girlfriend's favor. However, HIV testing is still warranted. I would also recommend you and your gal-pal review the harm-reduction strategies available for magnetic couples (PEP, PrEP, proper condom use, etc.). I'll reprint below some information from the archives. Please note we have an entire chapter devoted to magnetic couples.

Good luck from one magnetic couple to another! Magnetic couples rock!

Dr. Bob

Hiv infection? Magnet couple stress and fear (MAGNETIC COUPLE SEXUAL RISK 2008) Oct 8, 2008

I am negative at the moment and my boyfreind is HIV positive. he is an HIV educator actually.

After I accepted his status, we finally became intimate with each other. I did oral sex on him 3 times that night. Twice on his penis and once with his ass. He precums almost instantly (I don't know if its just with me lol), but I feel like despite the wealth of knowledge about the risk of unprotected oral sex I feel like I may have exposed myself. I didnt not swallow much if any precum. I had a little after taste and I mouthwashed mid session. I only have minor gum bleed after toothbrushing. I am a little concerned about anal oral intercourse too even thought I saw no possible way i could get infected. He penetrated me with a condom and i am not concerned about infection there.

I just want to feel a little assured about my chances for infection here. I love him so much and I find it hard to be intimate with him without thinking about his status. It's a reason why I can't put myself in a condition to penetrate him. And I feel horrible even thinking about talking to him about it because he is an HIV educator and probably know more than most about safe sex practices. Gawd, Just thinking about it and letting my mind run amok about possible infection makes me want to cry becasue I dont want to hurt nor loose him, but I want to trust him with us and our intimacy. And I want to be able to give him my all when we make love without holding myself back.

Given what I said, what were my exposure risks. And what advise do you have for me and the relationship with the one i can see myself with forever?

Response from Dr. Frascino


Your HIV-acquisition risk is extremely low. There have been no documented cases of HIV transmission due to rimming or getting rimmed. Oral sex carries only a very slight risk for HIV acquisition/transmission. You can read much more about this in the archives of this forum. We have entire chapters devoted to oral sex and sexual-HIV transmission risk.

Regarding your concerns about sexual activity within a magnetic relationship, as you might imagine, you are not alone. It's something all magnetic couples must come to terms with. Communication is key and that is what is lacking in your current relationship! That your Mr. Right is an HIV educator should make communication easier, not more difficult! Chances are he's as worried about infecting you as you are about acquiring the virus. The two of you are overdue for a heart-to-heart (note that's heart-to-heart, not hard-to-hard) talk! You need to openly discuss your concerns and together the two of you need to develop sexual rituals based on what is known scientifically about the HIV-transmission risk and on your individual levels of comfort. I suggest both you and your Mr. Wonderful read through the chapter in the archives devoted to magnetic couples. You'll soon see your concerns are shared by many of us in serodiscordant relationships. In addition to taking equal responsibility to make sure HIV is not transmitted, there are a number of other measures the two of you might want to consider to further reduce transmission risk:

1. Have your poz-partner take antiretrovirals to drive his HIV plasma viral load down to undetectable levels. This will significantly decrease transmission risk.

2. Get a starter dose of PEP (post-exposure prophylaxis) to have on hand just in case there is an accidental exposure (condom break).

3. Consider PrEP (pre-exposure prophylaxis). This involves the negative partner taking antiretroviral medication prophylactically on a routine basis. We still don't know if this approach is effective. Clinical trials are underway. Some magnetic couples aren't waiting for the results of the trials, but rather are instituting PrEP as a harm-reduction strategy now.

You can read much more about PEP, PrEP and other risk-reduction strategies in the archives.

Finally, I want to assure you from personal experience that opposites attract and that happily-ever-after can indeed become a reality for magnetic couples. Steve (Dr. Steve, the expert in The Body's Tratamientos forum) is HIV negative. I'm "virally enhanced." We've been happily-ever-aftering for 15 years and yes, that includes toe-curling, wake-the-neighbor, own-name-forgetting fusion sex. My advice to you is to make sure Mr. Right doesn't get away for all the wrong reasons.

Good luck to you both!

Dr. Bob

Thanks - Negative HIV results (so far) but similar symptoms
Re: CHRISTMAS PRESENT....Pretty Please Santa

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