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Terrified from London
Dec 23, 2009

Dear Dr. Bob,

First of all id like to say you have got a fabulous sense of humour, A true gentleman and a real solidier for all involved in the worlds stuggle against HIV, Thank you.

Ok Doc heres my exposure, and to be honest ive had a nightmare of a year in terms of worry about HIV infection, for you all to know im a 31 year old british hetrosexual man living in London (Yes im cockney, ya know what I mean), United kingdom. Back in August 2008, me and a few friends went to a (Lap/Pole Dancing) club in the city centre, after a couple of hours there and a good few drinks one of the ladies who danced for me invited me to the back room for a "more intimate show" as she called it, but we had unprotected vaginal intercourse which lasted about 10 minutes, then afterwards she gave me a BJ and swallowed my load, I left shortly afterwards and havent been to the same nightclub since.

A few months after (4 or 5) I started to worry about STDs, HIV, and also started to here rumours about the nature of the club that actually the girls asking men to go out the back is not a suprise, that sex occurs there quite regularly, I panicked completely and did some research and found out about half of the HIV diagnosis's in the UK are Londoners, I phoned my friend (who happens to be a doctor here in london) and went to see him the next day.

I undertook a HIV (AIDS) test and the result of that test was Negative.

So earlier this year I met a new girl in a city centre nightclub, Instantly took a shine to her, later on in the night I was drunk and I got invited back to her house and we had unprotected vaginal intercourse (Yes I know, not good) several times that night, She is now my girlfriend and over the last 6 months we have had unprotected vaginal intercourse, and BJs where she swallowed, and I have also performed oral sex on here several times. Im estimating we have had sex at least 4 or 5 times every day for not far off the last 6 months.

I started to worry when she was telling me that she has had a lot of previous boyfriends (shes 35 by the way) and the sex she has had abroad while on holiday, The 3 destinations were Ibiza, Gran Canaria and Turkey, I dont know the nationalities of the men she had sex with or whether any protection was used although when I questioned her about this she told me she used Condoms for all the sex she had while on holiday?

Whenever I meantion that I think I should go for a HIV test she just changes the subject or says im looking for a problem that isnt there, But im terrified, Im a big believer in "You get what you deserve" in this life and im starting to think that I might just get that (meaning a HIV-positive test).

I did visit a (HIV Specialist) at another GP clinic and he filled out a "Risk assessment" form, He asked me several questions, Have I ever had sex with men? injected drugs, shared needles to inject drugs, Had sex with anyone not of UK origin/nationality? all of which I answered truthfully No, and he looked at me and started laughing and said "Well your HIV risk is minimal then" and asked me if I wanted to have the test done (despite his insistance that there was no need) but I didnt get tested as I planned to seek other advice.

Im so down with worry about HIV (and other stds) that I cant concentrate in work, I cant sleep at night, and when I do sleep I have awful nightmares, I see grim reapers and Gravestones with my name engraved on them.

I hope my story will help some worried wells and others who (are/were) taking risks sexually that it really isnt worth it, Is having unprotected sex and enjoying the bare flesh to flesh feeling worth risking your life for? No of course its not and im so terrified I may have ruined my life for myself and my family.

I seem to read a lot that young hetrosexual men and women dont really worry about HIV because they believe they are not at risk (because of the majority of cases involve Gay Men and IDUs) but young hetrosexuals need to realise that the risk is REAL. There are 35.8million HIV-Positive people in the world and if anyone out there thinks, and I mean all of you out there really think that all of those people are Gay Men or Injecting Drug Users, then your pretty much lining up to be one of those numbers.

Please no one else put themselves through the pain ive been going through the last few weeks/months, Use a condom and you wont have anything to worry about.

My question,

Is there even a chance I will get a HIV-negative test? I promise if I test Negative this time I will stop all risky unprotected sex, and use condoms every time without fail.

Please could you list your HIV charity

Thank You in advance,

James from London.

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hello James from London,

Your episode with the Bouncing Bertha lap/pole dancer who danced on your lap and pole without protection does place you at some degree of risk for STDs, including HIV. Your negative HIV test at "4 or 5" months should have given you relief rather than nightmares of grim reapers and gravestones with your name engraved on them!

As for your current gal-pal, you are having sex five times a day for the past six months??? James, I think the first thing we need to do is check the dosage of your Viagra. With that much horizontal mattress mamboing, how do you even have time to worry about anything other than catching your breath?

Your primary question is: "Is there even a chance I will get an HIV-negative test?" The obvious answer is of course there is, silly boy! True, you've had unprotected sex with your girlfriend (and the private dancer/hooker), which, as I indicated above, places you at some degree of risk for STDs, including HIV. However, the statistical odds are still very much in your favor that you did not contract HIV. Rather than continuing on with your anxiety and nightmares, I would suggest you do the obvious: Stop having unsafe sex and get HIV tested three months after the last potential exposure. It really is just that straightforward.

As for young heterosexuals not worrying about HIV because they believe they are not at risk, this clearly demonstrates the failure of our HIV/AIDS awareness and prevention campaigns. The facts reveal 25% of new HIV cases in the US occur in young adults ages 12-19 (CDC). (Rates are similar in the UK.) Fifty percent (50%!) of newly diagnosed cases of HIV globally occur in young adults ages 14-24 (UNAIDS).

One of they key missions of The Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation is to raise awareness of the HIV/AIDS pandemic through advocacy and education. Thank you for your interest in The Robert James Frascino AIDS Foundation. Donation information can be found on the foundation's Web site at (www.concertedeffort.org). James, I'm sending you my good-luck karma that your definitive HIV and STD tests remain negative.

Be well. Happy Holidays.

Dr. Bob



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