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Need Good Luck..Facebook help me discover what
Dec 19, 2009

Dr Bob, hello! First I want to say how much I enjoy your quick wit and humor. I've laughed out loud while reading this site. I'm sure it puts a lot of restless minds at minds at ease.

However, unfortunately, I am now one of those whose mind is not at ease.

I was in a momogomous relationship for several months..or so I thought. I found out, from my partner's facebook page, how many dates he was planning. I confronted him and he, well, doesn't not want to be with me..

Anyway, this is literally the day after I had unprotected oral sex with him. Even that took me several months to do! We had discussed HIV in about 5 or 6 conversations prior to this openly..about how we both didn't have it and wanted to be careful. The oral contact was brief. I did taste pre-ejaculate on my tongue and stopped, spit and left him there and asked again..'are you sure you don't have the HIV?' He said, once again, he didn't. My oral health is good..at least, I didn't notice any sores.

He was probably not happy, but we did try later on after that to have sex that wasn't oral (I was receptive) but after I noticed pinkish fliud IN the condom he wore.

So, once again, I freaked..'is that what could have ended up in my mouth just now? I knew it didn't end up in another orifice because it ended up in the place that protected it..but when my mouth wasn't protected.. (I'm stupid, I know that now) I asked him if he was sore and had other open wounds (because obviously some skin wasn't intact somewhere along the line!) but he said it was probably just from rubbing. Or from when he was jogging. And that was likely it. Nothing to hurt me through my mough.

Anyway, at the beginning of Feb 2010, I am going for a three month test. Are my fears warrented? Is my risk at least low enough to get the woo-hoo? Is it just my neurousis that ruined everything? My pestering him that might have driven him of..I know that now, but is my risk still just as low as I've been reading? Enough to get the good luck? Enough to get the negative from you even before I take it?

I'm worried..not enough to cause symptoms, but enough to effect my life...and enough for people to be noticing. And he's cut me off...knows I want to test, isn't even thinking fo it and yeah..

Thank you so much!!

Response from Dr. Frascino

Hi,

Unprotected oral sex carries only a very slight risk for HIV transmission. Just like you, I have no way of knowing if your ex is virally enhanced or not. Facebook page-planned dates certainly would argue against his being monogamous, but it doesn't mean he's HIV infected. It does seem to me you are excessively worried about HIV and it is possible your fears and pestering contributed to the collapse of your relationship. My advice is that you consider getting some counseling to help you confront and conquer your fears. Use the wealth of information on this site to learn more about HIV risk. Certainly, because you are so concerned about your ex's "sextracurricular" activities, it's reasonable to get a single HIV-antibody test at the three-month mark. The odds are astronomically in your favor that you did not contract HIV from your minimal oral contact. My good-luck karma has been sent, but I doubt you need it!

Good luck.

Dr. Bob



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